The Long Run Or...From Hills to Vale and Back Again

OK..... I'm in it....For It.

If I can endure 1 year, or 7.5 miles of the flattest of the flat, the straightest of the straight, I can do (runwalk) anything!



Reminds me of my first Mastectomy.



 

Remember....I was used to this:

Trail Hills

Me before mastectomy

This week I made it over a "couple of humps".  Sunday, I ran that FLAT terrain while on vacation the day after a "full" day at the beach (with my breast friends).  Then, on Tuesday,  I made it over the 10 mile long run milestone.  It was an interesting phenomenon.  On Monday I was having some shin/leg pains and I was saying to my Ultra Trail Running Training  Partner, Jack: "Jack,  I'm just not sure if I'm "cut out" for this running business."  He replied with, of course, a quote from Ultrarunner extraordinaire, Scott Jurek, "Not all pain is significant". Hmm.  (Damn you psychologists!) (Hey, there's a cant in significant, weird).

Well, on Tuesday my friends and I "set" out for a 9-10 mile long run and I'll admit I felt pretty horrible for most of the run.  (Hey, It's hot here, and I'm fat... wah).  I considered the Jurek quote several times during the run. We ended up completing the 10, extremely slow,  miles.  I felt happy to be done.  Where the phenomenon came in was later in the day when my leg pains had resolved, and I felt better than I have since before my breast reconstruction surgery.  It gave me an extra "boost" when my co-workers asked me how far I had run that morning and I "beamed" as I said 10 miles!  I realize I still have a long way to go with my training, but at least I've "built" a bit of a base, and I'm ready to PUSH it UP from here.  Any and all training TIPS are welcomed!

As you can see, I'm spending "equal parts" of my time preparing for the NYC marathon, and my Boob Debub Celebration.   (Trust me, I'm not "padding" the stats here.)

I hope many of  you will be able to participate!




Be Superfluous.
 Follow me on Twitter:
@BallotableTWTs

NYC Here I Come!

I feel so out of touch! My computer has been broken down and I'm just not comfortable with that!  I was finally able to sit down and get it fixed today over the phone by a very helpful Indian guy named Jaz.  Yay! I'm so Jazzed.

It's so hard to believe that it has been almost a month since I have posted an update.   Since my last post I have indeed made some, great and exciting, and other, slightly upsetting, GAINS.   Most importantly, each and every one of my "Ouwees" have healed up completely.  It really was almost like a miracle how both of the small lingering open areas literally "slammed shut" as we drove to the coast for our 4th of July vacation.  This made me SO happy because that meant that I could swim in the water without a greater fear than the next gal of the uncommon "flesh eating bacteria" that has been found rarely in the waters there in Matagorda bay.  It was so fun to be immersed in water and to swim again. I really missed that over the 12 weeks prior. It was also very fun and exciting to be back in a bathing suite and to be balanced again without the fuss and muss of my Spongeboob.

   We all had a great time.

Not an effect of Bacteria. They are so cute like this.

Secondly, I have been able to start running again!  It has been slow and quite horrible, but that's ok.  It still feels good to be at it again.  I'm now up to 6 miles as my long run. I've been able to do some distance biking as well, which I feel will eventually pay off for my running endurance once my muscles and joints are able to tolerate running again.  It has been interesting that my leg muscles and joints are actually feeling each additional mile like they once did years ago when I first began training for my first half marathon.  At approximately 12 weeks, this has been by far the longest break I've taken from running in at least 8 years, maybe even longer.  Even through chemo, radiation, and the first mastectomy,  I was not off from running for more than 3 weeks (radiation surprisingly enough).  Thinking this out does help put my discomfort into more perspective.  Outside of the mild joint and muscle issues, there is the more significant discomfort of the severely TIGHT abdomen.

It is so much better that it was, but still very difficult to stand up completely erect, and even more difficult to hold that erect posture, that is recommended for running, while running. Please do not get me wrong, I am actually not complaining.  I am truly thrilled that the wounds are healed and that I am able to start stretching and running and living life again!

The final, slightly upsetting gain that I have made since my last post is the 4 lbs that, did, literally, "sneak up from behind" after my vacation! I want to mention this because it is an interesting phenomenon or side effect of the DIEP procedure.  You might be asking "what's so interesting about 4 lbs of deep fried back fat?" Well I'll tell ya....
About 1 year ago I was warned by another breast cancer and DIEP flap reconstruction survivor that this could happen. (You can see the sides of it if you look closely above)...Anyway, because the plastic surgeon literally cut off all of the fat from the front side of my body (abs), when I gain weight it will no longer go THERE.  After 42 years of using my abdominal rolls as an indicator of weight gain I am going to have to rely on another method.  I've been feeling so 'thin' lately that I have not stepped on the scale in WEEKS.  The other day,  I accidentally got a view of my back side in the mirror, and just as the woman that I mentioned earlier had described to me a year ago,  I FOUND my 4 extra pounds!
It was shocking, but at the same time I got a laugh out of it because I remember this woman, and her words of warning, so clearly. 

15.5 Weeks until the NYC Marathon!  I'm cutting it close, but I can do it!  I know I can because  thanks to you all, my awesome friends and family members, and Fred's Team, my fundraising goal has been achieved (One donation not showing on the page yet). I wasn't sure how I was going to raise that money, but it happened, and this training is going to happen the same way! 

PS if you have a person you would like highlighted in this blog, please send me their information/write up if you have not done so already.  Thank You!

Emily

"Tit Party"

I'm calling this post "Tit Party" in honor of my situation, my desire to party, and my favorite tweet during this time period from @robdelaney:  "Don't judge a book by its cover.  Unless it's cover says 'Tit Party', because that's probably an awesome book".  

(Thank you @robdelaney, @jewerstein,@juliusharp, @JennyJohnsonHi5, @iamenidcoleslaw, and many other comedy writers, at least half of which were women,  for keeping me entertained during my recovery.)

This 10 week "Tit Party" since my Bilateral DIEP Breast reconstruction surgery on April 12th, has been interesting, and mostly cool, yet, possibly not as fun as the title suggests.  There has not been a whole lot of partying, but there HAS been quite a lot of required dressing changes. (Not the cool kind like in a play, or when you are getting ready to go out). Mostly wounds and nipple sponges.   There's been extreme abdominal tightness and difficulty finding comfortable sleeping positions.  There's been patience required by everyone involved:  On my part with being unable to run or exercise like I'd like, unable to hold Adaline, and unable to swim or submerge in water, on Ace's part for having to go "Soft" on Mommy for so long, and on Richie and Adaline's parts with my being unable to lift or dress Adaline for the better part of 10 weeks, or do many of the normal "Mommy" duties.  There have also been some interesting changes, or improvements.  Most obviously, I am no longer lopsided!  My new breasts, while not completely finished (areolas to be tattooed in August) already look better in most ways than the ones I had before.  (Not the 21 year old ones....the 42 year old ones :).  My abs, while ridiculously weak, are certainly flat!.  My hair has grown, and I can now push it behind my ears.  We have all learned some patience and gratitude, and we've made strides in our relationships in our family. During my "hibernation"  I've developed in other ways too. I've had the chance to learn and understand what Twitter is all about, and now I "know stuff".  Go ahead, lay a timeline joke on me and just see if I don't get it!    Also, Richie's band Downtube Shifter's EP Accelerando! is now available in downloadable format online on Band Camp or through their new website www.downtubeshiftertheband.com  (Ya'll are welcome. Seriously, it's fun building websites for other people for free.  JK, LOL, It's not really.).

But, with all of that mostly behind me now, I can see the sparkling lights shining from the disco ball!   All of the stitches were removed from the abdominal incision and the breasts on Monday....except for the cotton stitches that are actually IN the nipples in order to help create more scar tissue (to give the nipples more attitude, if you will).  I am now allowed to lift Adaline, and I am physically able to do so using good body mechanics.  My abs are severely weak, but that is just a  matter of time (and ab crunches...formerly squish-ups).   I am returning to work TOMORROW!-Yikes! I am planning on attempting a short jog maybe this weekend, or early next week.  I will be reentering the world of.... reality?  Gone will be the days of sitting on my couch and staring into space, or wondering what my 38...39  "Tweeps" are up to. In my case...accounts that I FOLLOW. I'm gonna miss them, but I'll be glad to see my old real life friends again.  (Real life friends, ya'll might need to communicate with me in 140 character joke format with me for awhile while I transition).  

I have approximately 17 weeks until the ING NY Marathon.  1 week to base train :) 16 weeks to train....let's see if I can pull this off?  That's 4 months.  I was able to prepare for almost twice that distance (50 miler), in 7 months starting at zero after Chemo, Mastectomy and Radiation! I think I can do it!!  All I need to do is raise at least $1,050.00 more!  I'm more that 2/3 the way to my fundraising minimum of 3,500.00 in order to run with @FredsTeam.  Please understand that I am even more passionate about raising this money for research since the recent passing of a friend of mine who had ovarian cancer. Nine weeks ago, the doctor's thought she would be fine.  If you are considering supporting cancer research, and my dream to run the NYC marathon with a donation, please do so here:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730


I'm looking forward to getting out and seeing everyone again.
Emily

Also, look forward to  "Boob deBub" party announcement.

"All boobies are a trap."  @JewyJewerstein

Looking Forward. With Headlights On.

                    Darn, I wish I would have worn make-up.  Well, I guess it goes with my Ultrarunner Image :).

 Tomorrow morning I'm scheduled for my revision surgery.  The plastic surgeon will be doing a simple Left Breast Lift, first.  This is necessary because during the reconstruction, it was most important that they were able to build a right breast basically from nothing, or nothing that had been radiated.  Also, it's a bit complicated, but in order to monitor the tissue that was added to the left, they had to use a larger flap and put more tissue in the breast due to the size of the monitor??  I think maybe that is what the surgeon told me just in case I wanted to go "larger" on the right later, but....anyway, it is lower and it needs to come up :).  

They will also be surgically revising the abdominal scar...cutting out the part that is not healed on the abdominal incision and glueing it back together again.  Then,  there's the last minute addition to the surgery, which is the attachment of nipples.  Initially, they had told me that I would need to wait for that procedure, but now, it seems we are going forward with that too. (Hopefully, in the SAME direction, if you know what I mean). I have, of course, had some second thoughts about this addition, since going bra-less lately has been a benefit I have little experience with.  But, I decided to go ahead and do it because it will be interesting to see how real they can make these things look, and I read somewhere ( @JennyJohnsonHi5 ) that you get more followers on twitter if you have nipples.  I have 10 followers now, so we'll see. 

As far as the surgery, I guess I'm pretty ready.  I've got mixed feelings, as is usual and customary for me.  On one hand I am very ready to look forward.   On the other hand, I still feel pain for those who are facing new challenges, and I still have fears for myself regarding the potential of the return of Cancer.  I have read and heard that this fear is commmon, and obviously not unrealistic.  I want to look forward, but not with blinders.  I want to be able to fully and without hesitation, jump back to life with all the thrills and difficulties it may bring.  I want to return to living in the moment without distraction, while at the same time, seeing completely all that surrounds me.  

Since my last blog I've attempted running 3 times.  Alone, because it is NOT pretty.  I'm up to 3 miles :).  The legs feel fine.  The abdomen is No good.  This first attempt at jogging was born out of necessity (we were out of town and there was no bike available), and somwhat of a "what the hell" attitude on my part ever since they said they were going to surgically repair the abdomen.  It felt good to test the legs and see that they can still do it.  I'll be back to 2 weeks off running starting tomorrow, so the nipples don't jiggle off, then  hopefully I'll be back at it and preparing for the NYC MARATHON!

Fundraising for my participation in the NYC Marathon with Fred's Team which supports cancer research at Memorial Sloan Ketterling is going VERY WELL!  I'm over HALF WAY!  Thank you ALL who have donated. For those who want to support and have the means, please don't be shy!  Any amount is Appreciated! Here is the link to my donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Oh Yes, If you want a sneek peek of the "finished product", prior to the Boob deBub party planned in late August,  I'll be at the next Downtube Shifter Rock show which is Thursday June 14th at 5:30pm-7:00 pm Happy Hour show at the Carousel Lounge off 52nd St.!
www.downtubeshiftertheband.com

Emily  or  Pow Howell @BallotableTWTs if yer interested :).

Selfish

Does having 2 breasts make a person selfish?  Quite possibly.   However, it has now been proven that having a wound on one's abdomen can create some pretty extreme selfishness.  I have to admit that since this surgery, I've been living pretty much in my own little world.  Just me and the 29 accounts (mostly comedic writers) that I follow on Twitter (outside of my beautiful immediate family). I haven't been much in the mood for getting together with others, or even blogging, for that matter.   For me, socialization is so extrememly linked to running, that not running can make it difficult.  And, as it turns out, NO ONE really wants to go to the gym and ride a recumbent bike!!  Anyway, cleaning this abdominal incision site wound twice a day and trying to keep my sanity (what little there may be) while watching it heal SO slowly without running/running socialization have turned my focus inward.

I've recently had 2 personally upsetting wake-up calls that I am going to share with you now because I feel that they are important and relative.

The first one happened a few weeks ago, when I was complaining to my husband over a nice dinner out, about some abdominal annoyance, or something and he (very rudely in my opinion at the time) said in response...."don't you ever see the positive"?  "How about how great it is that you don't have Cancer"!" Wow.  If you have any experience with my relationship with my husband you probably know that I've likened him to gristle.  He's tough and can sometimes appear insensitive.  He's never been one to go easy on me, that's for sure.  I am used to this, and I usually appreciate it in the long run, it's true.  However, while out on this dinner date I initially thought this response was a bit harsh, no matter how true it was. Until.. later.... when I said something else possibly not very pleasant, and he said that he was sick of me! Yikes!!  Now that hurts!!  It hurts especially when you realize that he's not the only one.  I realized that even I have become sick of myself.  Sick and tired of being self-absorbed.   So, since that day, I've been consciously attempting to work my way out of this selfish snowball.  I've attempted to prove my love to my husband with the extrememe sacrifice of building a website for his band.  Check it out if you want:  www.downtubeshiftertheband.com  It is still a work in progress. But, I will announce, that their 5 song EP CD Accelerando! is now available.  For now, you can just email the band at dtshifta@yahoo.com if you'd like one.  I think they are $5.00 plus any shipping.  It's a good CD and a pretty good sample of their music.  I'm still in the process of helping them get it out on CD baby, Band Camp, etc.

Now, today, I have regret.   I regret being so self absorbed that I haven't recently followed up with my friend who had surgery for removal of ovarian cancer on the same day that I had my reconstruction surgery. She has recently received some bad news and I was informed of it today from another friend.    This was not the verbal tap on the cheek that my husband gave me a few weeks ago.  This is the harsh reality of Cancer.   It affects all of us.


My fundraising with Fred's Team for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Ketterling is going well.  I've raised 1,550.00 of the $3,500.00 that I have commited to in order to be allowed entry into the NYC Marathon.  That's over 1/3 the way!  Thank you to everyone who has dontated and who has sent write-ups of people they would like to have highlighted in this blog and have miles dedicated to. I have appreciated and enjoyed reading these stories.  If you are considering donating, please do not hesitate.  Any amount is helpful and appreciated!

Here is the link to the donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730


This week marks the end of the schoool year.  I'm putting this photo in because I'm so proud of this girl, and she's the cutest girl in the world.

Next Wednesday I go back into surgery for the revision of the left breast and for surgical closure of this wound if it is not healed by then.  I am looking forward to that, and to getting back to running in order to train for the NYC Marathon!

Patience

The past 2 weeks have proven quite a test for my patience.  I've not been blogging about it for 2 reasons.
Firstly, in order for this literal "watching the grass grow" (wound healing) period to pass somewhat unnoticed by me, and secondly, because I've been "cheating" on my blog with that "Twitter" croud.  It's a fantasy world out there, I tell you, and that suits me just fine for now.  I think, for me, facing this open wound on my abdomen 3 times a day is a bit much for my psychee and I've sought out an alter reality. (I suppose I had to do something when I decided to go off the Vicodin cold turkey a few weeks ago.)  I don't mean to be a wuss, but, despite having done wound care as a PT tech and a clinician, and not minding wounds on other people, it just freaks me out to have a wound on my own body, not to mention that it is a reminder that I still have a ways to go before this phase is over. This is going to require more patience.    The open wound that I'm referring to is primarily in the center area of the abdominal incision.  Basically what happened is that the Plastic Surgeon folded me over, cut my abdominal roll off, and glued me back together.  Problem was, there wasn't that much to take, so they had to glue me back super tight!  Needless to say, the center area sort of made it's way back open due to trying to stand up, and/or lie flat.  Everyone at the plastic surgeon's office has assured me that this happening is "very common amongst the 'thinner' patients." Well, If you know me, you know that I'll take a skinny compliment any way I can get it, and that that was probably the ONLY thing that they could have said to me to make this at all acceptable, but, it still did  not negate my anxiety and my desire for this thing to be closed and done with.  On the good news side of things, the wound is "healthy and will heal in time".

 I am scheduled to return the first week of June for the revision to the left breast.  The "Lift and Tuck", or "Alignment", if you will.  This procedure supposedly requires a 4 day recovery time, but I really do not believe that.  I think that is all relative.  Yes, I guess I'd believe 4 days to get back to sitting on the couch and watching Oprah, but what about dependent lifting a spastic 8 year old, a 275 pound stroke patient, or running the Hill of Life? Somehow I doubt it.  This procedure might also include "fat injections" to round out some of the areas.  Apparentely, they can take a syringe and suck out some fat from somewhere on my body and inject it into my breasts. When I heard this, I immediately asked myself why don't all flatter chested people not have this done instead of implants, but I forgot to ask the doctor.  I promise I will ask next time and let you all know!  The only problem is where to get the fat.  Yes, it does have to be from me, sorry.  I was initially liking the idea of taking it off the back of my arms, but then realized that this would  just leave loose skin flapping there.  Possibly less attractive than flabby skin flapping.  So, my next preferred area will be what I call my "tube", or "back fat" (back fat being a bit of a misnomer because it is really more on the sides).  Hopefully they can use that without making more divots in the area :).

On to more exciting news!


I'm officially signed up for the 2012 ING NYCMarathon to run with Fred's Team, a charity which supports cancer research at Memorial Sloan Ketterling.


I've already raised $1,300,00 toward my goal of $3,500.00 for Cancer Research!
Thank you everyone who has donated!
If you are considering helping support this goal and Cancer Research, please click here to donate:
It's EASY!
http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Thank YOU!


For more practice in patience click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c1dGd033C8&sns=em


For more Dancing Ace Entertainment click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lesm_Xdp7co&sns=em


Emily

Happy Birthday to Me

 "Running the marathon is the best wasy I know to fight this disease."
Fred Lebow, co-founder, NYCmarathon.

I don't know if it was the Vicodin induced confusion, a deep seeded inability to completely "let go" of the road running, or my innate insanity, but I've decided to run the ING New York City Marathon on November 4th, 2012 (yes that IS in 6 months) in order to celebrate the completion of a challenging 2 years of cancer treatment, and to raise money for Cancer Research. 

Please follow the Link below to my personal  Donation site, read my story, and Donate.

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Fred Lebow Memorial Statue Central Park New York

Also, PLEASE forward the above link to my donation site or the link to ballotable records to anyone, including Facebook Friends.  Thank you very much !

Emily