Looking Forward. With Headlights On.

                    Darn, I wish I would have worn make-up.  Well, I guess it goes with my Ultrarunner Image :).

 Tomorrow morning I'm scheduled for my revision surgery.  The plastic surgeon will be doing a simple Left Breast Lift, first.  This is necessary because during the reconstruction, it was most important that they were able to build a right breast basically from nothing, or nothing that had been radiated.  Also, it's a bit complicated, but in order to monitor the tissue that was added to the left, they had to use a larger flap and put more tissue in the breast due to the size of the monitor??  I think maybe that is what the surgeon told me just in case I wanted to go "larger" on the right later, but....anyway, it is lower and it needs to come up :).  

They will also be surgically revising the abdominal scar...cutting out the part that is not healed on the abdominal incision and glueing it back together again.  Then,  there's the last minute addition to the surgery, which is the attachment of nipples.  Initially, they had told me that I would need to wait for that procedure, but now, it seems we are going forward with that too. (Hopefully, in the SAME direction, if you know what I mean). I have, of course, had some second thoughts about this addition, since going bra-less lately has been a benefit I have little experience with.  But, I decided to go ahead and do it because it will be interesting to see how real they can make these things look, and I read somewhere ( @JennyJohnsonHi5 ) that you get more followers on twitter if you have nipples.  I have 10 followers now, so we'll see. 

As far as the surgery, I guess I'm pretty ready.  I've got mixed feelings, as is usual and customary for me.  On one hand I am very ready to look forward.   On the other hand, I still feel pain for those who are facing new challenges, and I still have fears for myself regarding the potential of the return of Cancer.  I have read and heard that this fear is commmon, and obviously not unrealistic.  I want to look forward, but not with blinders.  I want to be able to fully and without hesitation, jump back to life with all the thrills and difficulties it may bring.  I want to return to living in the moment without distraction, while at the same time, seeing completely all that surrounds me.  

Since my last blog I've attempted running 3 times.  Alone, because it is NOT pretty.  I'm up to 3 miles :).  The legs feel fine.  The abdomen is No good.  This first attempt at jogging was born out of necessity (we were out of town and there was no bike available), and somwhat of a "what the hell" attitude on my part ever since they said they were going to surgically repair the abdomen.  It felt good to test the legs and see that they can still do it.  I'll be back to 2 weeks off running starting tomorrow, so the nipples don't jiggle off, then  hopefully I'll be back at it and preparing for the NYC MARATHON!

Fundraising for my participation in the NYC Marathon with Fred's Team which supports cancer research at Memorial Sloan Ketterling is going VERY WELL!  I'm over HALF WAY!  Thank you ALL who have donated. For those who want to support and have the means, please don't be shy!  Any amount is Appreciated! Here is the link to my donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Oh Yes, If you want a sneek peek of the "finished product", prior to the Boob deBub party planned in late August,  I'll be at the next Downtube Shifter Rock show which is Thursday June 14th at 5:30pm-7:00 pm Happy Hour show at the Carousel Lounge off 52nd St.!
www.downtubeshiftertheband.com

Emily  or  Pow Howell @BallotableTWTs if yer interested :).

Selfish

Does having 2 breasts make a person selfish?  Quite possibly.   However, it has now been proven that having a wound on one's abdomen can create some pretty extreme selfishness.  I have to admit that since this surgery, I've been living pretty much in my own little world.  Just me and the 29 accounts (mostly comedic writers) that I follow on Twitter (outside of my beautiful immediate family). I haven't been much in the mood for getting together with others, or even blogging, for that matter.   For me, socialization is so extrememly linked to running, that not running can make it difficult.  And, as it turns out, NO ONE really wants to go to the gym and ride a recumbent bike!!  Anyway, cleaning this abdominal incision site wound twice a day and trying to keep my sanity (what little there may be) while watching it heal SO slowly without running/running socialization have turned my focus inward.

I've recently had 2 personally upsetting wake-up calls that I am going to share with you now because I feel that they are important and relative.

The first one happened a few weeks ago, when I was complaining to my husband over a nice dinner out, about some abdominal annoyance, or something and he (very rudely in my opinion at the time) said in response...."don't you ever see the positive"?  "How about how great it is that you don't have Cancer"!" Wow.  If you have any experience with my relationship with my husband you probably know that I've likened him to gristle.  He's tough and can sometimes appear insensitive.  He's never been one to go easy on me, that's for sure.  I am used to this, and I usually appreciate it in the long run, it's true.  However, while out on this dinner date I initially thought this response was a bit harsh, no matter how true it was. Until.. later.... when I said something else possibly not very pleasant, and he said that he was sick of me! Yikes!!  Now that hurts!!  It hurts especially when you realize that he's not the only one.  I realized that even I have become sick of myself.  Sick and tired of being self-absorbed.   So, since that day, I've been consciously attempting to work my way out of this selfish snowball.  I've attempted to prove my love to my husband with the extrememe sacrifice of building a website for his band.  Check it out if you want:  www.downtubeshiftertheband.com  It is still a work in progress. But, I will announce, that their 5 song EP CD Accelerando! is now available.  For now, you can just email the band at dtshifta@yahoo.com if you'd like one.  I think they are $5.00 plus any shipping.  It's a good CD and a pretty good sample of their music.  I'm still in the process of helping them get it out on CD baby, Band Camp, etc.

Now, today, I have regret.   I regret being so self absorbed that I haven't recently followed up with my friend who had surgery for removal of ovarian cancer on the same day that I had my reconstruction surgery. She has recently received some bad news and I was informed of it today from another friend.    This was not the verbal tap on the cheek that my husband gave me a few weeks ago.  This is the harsh reality of Cancer.   It affects all of us.


My fundraising with Fred's Team for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Ketterling is going well.  I've raised 1,550.00 of the $3,500.00 that I have commited to in order to be allowed entry into the NYC Marathon.  That's over 1/3 the way!  Thank you to everyone who has dontated and who has sent write-ups of people they would like to have highlighted in this blog and have miles dedicated to. I have appreciated and enjoyed reading these stories.  If you are considering donating, please do not hesitate.  Any amount is helpful and appreciated!

Here is the link to the donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730


This week marks the end of the schoool year.  I'm putting this photo in because I'm so proud of this girl, and she's the cutest girl in the world.

Next Wednesday I go back into surgery for the revision of the left breast and for surgical closure of this wound if it is not healed by then.  I am looking forward to that, and to getting back to running in order to train for the NYC Marathon!

Twins

Twins

One thing I’ve enjoyed over the years about my job as a Physical Therapist has been getting to hear stories about people’s lives. This story recently really touched me.   The patient that I was working with was an 80 year old woman.  She was telling me about her life and that she had had 6 children.  She mentioned that she had only been pregnant 5 times, though, because the first pregnancy was twins, a boy and a girl.  She went on to say that the twins were dead now.  I did ask what had happened.  (Being that they were twins, one almost automatically begins to expect that they died from the same thing.)   My patient began with her daughter’s death.  She said…”My daughter had the breast cancer.  She had the mastectomy and the treatments, and she was doing very well for 2 or 3 years, but then it came back and got her.”  This story, as you can imagine, hit very close to home and really had me a bit freaked out for some time.  I did go on to inquire about her son.  She said…”He was killed in a car accident”.    I found myself putting myself in the shoes of each of these twins.  I felt what i thought would be their fear.  It was similar, yet different.  I found myself trying to figure out which twin I would have rather been.  Which death I would have chosen for myself?   I’ve since, come to no answer.  Honestly, neither is a pleasant thought.  The best I could do was come up with some pros and cons to each.  The major pro for the female twin was that she had had some warning of her potential fatality.  She possibly had a few years of knowing that life is short, and she may have taken that opportunity to live her life to the fullest. She also, later, had some time to say her goodbyes to family and friends and to let them know how much she loved them.  Potential cons being that she likely lived with some serious sadness and fear, as she knew that it would all eventually be coming to an end.  The male twin, on the contrary, may not have had the knowledge of his own mortality. He did not have the chance to say his goodbyes, yet was spared the sadness of seeing his own life fade.  He very possibly, however, had learned important lessons of living life through his twin’s experience.

I don’t really know why I spent so much time trying to decide which would be better or worse.   I do not usually sit around thinking about how I'd like to go.  I’m fighting to live, here.  I guess that my final thought is that any of us could find ourselves in the exact same shoes as either twin.  I even know of one person who recently had shoes of each.  A sister-in-law of one of my good friends had recently won her battle against breast cancer, and then was killed in an automobile accident.  

“The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.”           Carl Jung

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life.  A man (woman) who lives fully is prepared to die any time.”    Mark Twain.

Here’s to living life to each life’s fullest.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DD1O2K6B30U

Nueces: I'm very excited.

Am I Back?

I’ve had several people ask me in the past week… “Are you back to running?”  Well, the answer, I guess, is yes.  I’m not AS BACK as I’d like to be, though.  I am struggling.  I’ve been having some difficulty being able to tell if it is the 105 degree weather here, my lower than normal red counts, or just being fat and out of shape (Breast Cancer weight and Post Chemo muscle atrophy) that is causing my struggles.  I’ve been working on the breast cancer weight and I’ve made some progress.  I’ve lost about 3 lbs.  I was working my A** off to eat a diet above and beyond healthy in order to get my red blood counts back up ($12 salads).  4 weeks ago, they were up a little (seemed to be a slow steady rise) but then last week they dipped back down to: RBCs = 3.27 (normal is 4.2-5.4), Hemoglobin = 10.7 (Normal is 12-16) and Hematocrit = 30.5 (Normal is 37-47).  The good news is that this time around my White Blood Cells were Normal at 5.2 with normal range being 4.8-10.8.  So, it is kind of odd or ironic that today, I am actually experiencing a fever/sore throat/illness due to some virus.   Am I back?  Today is a bad day to ask me that.  Ask me in 10 days.  This is how long I’ve got to get over this virus, and get my weekly running average up to 34 miles/week in order to start my 24 week training plan for the 50 mile trail run I want to do on March 3^rd.  My highest weekly mileage, yet, (since surgery) has been 30 (mostly trail miles, however).  That was one week ago, the week before my last Herceptin.  Last week during a down week, my calves began to flare up like they used to…Posterior Tibial Tendonitis, plus some gastroc issues.   September 19 is Day One of my 24 week training plan.   I just completed my spreadsheet for this training plan, and I’m going to tell you the truth, here.  I’m a bit concerned that I’m going to be cutting it pretty darn close and pushing the envelope on what is reasonable considering my medical situation.   Mind you, prior to cancer, when I was training for the Bandera 50K, my plan topped out at 62 miles/week and I commonly did 40-55....but that was before.  One bit of good news is that my Herceptin treatments should be over in the end of December, so I should have 8 solid weeks no chemo (except the daily oral Tamoxifen) before the race.  

Here is what the plan looks like: Click on link below :)

Nueces 50 miler Training Plan : Top 60 miles per week                                                

This is a rough draft, and I’m sure there will be some changes in the plan once I start up with

Tejas Trails.  I’m planning on starting up in October, once the weather cools down a bit more.

Besides being initially upset by my drop in RBC counts, the ensuing complications due to my initiation of iron pills in order to improve the red counts, contracting this irritating virus, and my inability to hold my alcohol, I’ve had a pretty darn good week.    You need to know that I did not take this decision to start taking iron pills lightly.  I’ve been holding out on taking iron, since, basically, the beginning of all of this treatment.  Despite being borderline anemic pretty much my whole life, I’ve never been able to tolerate taking iron pills.  I tried taking them when I was pregnant because I was trying to be a good parent, and I’ll just say that that plan ended with me spending 45 minutes in a friend’s bathroom, during a party, giving what I later called “practice birth” to something too hideous to describe. (Severe Constipation).    But, I’m desperate.  I know I need these counts back up to be able to run…especially up hills.  I plan to ask my physician if I can get a transfusion of my own blood, or EPO, or something, but I’m about 100% sure they won’t do it.  My counts are low, but just not critical according to a new friend of mine who is a chemo nurse. (I know, befriending the enemy….you know what they say…friends close….)  Maybe if I explain that it could become critical at mile 40 or so, they’ll listen.

This week, I had some great times.  It was a holiday weekend and I enjoyed a 4 day Staycation!!  My favorite band, Downtube Shifter, played on Friday night and I was able to go to the show.

Downtube Shifter
Next Show: Saturday October 1st  Carousel Lounge 10 PM!

Downtube Shifter Fans!

It was a late show, and here’s where my inability to hold my alcohol comes in.  It’s not that I drank very much.  On the contrary, actually.  I just don’t have the constitution, or the ability to process the alcohol, so I am a pretty cheap date.  I had a lot of fun on Friday night, but Saturday morning was not pleasant, except that Grammy and Dpo took the boy off to Houston for a 3 year old Princess Party, so we had a quiet day.  I think maybe in some ways it was a good thing to have suffered a bit as a reminder that I need to be putting as few toxins in this body as possible, especially once my 24 week plan starts.  

Saturday afternoon, Richie and I got to go out again, together, onto a party Barge on Lake Austin for a couple of my friends’ birthday party.  It was a blast hanging out with my friends from the Outpatient department! and the weather and sunset were beautiful. 

Awesome Chicks of Outpatient!

This time I paced myself and was able to get up the next morning to complete my 5 mile trail jog on Sunday.  Monday was Labor Day and for the first time in about 3 months the temperature dropped below 74 degrees overnight.  It was awesome.  That morning I got to go out to my beloved Hill of Life and run 7 miles with my good friend, and the temperature was between 75 and 78 degrees and not humid.   It was beautiful, and I did not feel like total F****** S*** during the whole run. I actually had fun.  Progress.  Monday afternoon I enjoyed a wonderful nap, and then some of our close friends came over for a barbeque and fish fry and we got to play outside with the kids and enjoy just being out, for the first time in Months!  What a perfect day!

Heartbreaking Power

Chorus from song Heartbreaking Power by Richie Howell

Heartbreaking Power, powers through, takes all my energy to fend off what you do to me.

Is this coincidental?

This week I’ve been inspired by another blogger that I “met” online, by coincidence. (I’ve never met someone online before.)  On Tuesday after I put up my last post, I was looking at my blog stats, to see if they were back up and running, because they had been not counting for a while. Parts of the stats were working and parts not, but one of the stats shows where the searches have come from.  One of the searches to my blog came from an online Magazine of sorts called http://www.righthealth.com/ .  It sounded intersting, so I went to that site, and the topic was breast cancer.  Under the section, Blogs and Advice there was a link to my blog with a short excerpt from it regarding the nerve pain I’d been having since the mastectomy.  This was pretty exciting to me!  Below the link to my blog was a link to another blog called Some Girls Prefercarnations, http://carnations.blogspot.com/ 

(I am not suggesting you defect!) also with a quote about nerve pain after mastectomy.  I went to that site and did quite a bit of reading.   I became a follower and put up a comment to her latest post.  I was very excited when Heather, the author, replied to my post with a post on my blog.  Anyway, I enjoyed reading her blog. It was very informative, and applicable to my situation. Heather who is a scientist by trade, is a bit more on the technical side than me.  That, along with the fact that she has had 33,000 more views to her blog, gave me some food for thought. Hmm. Maybe folks don’t like all the fluff.   Possibly, the mental/emotional crap between the tests and appointments is not informative or helpful to others?  Nah.  While Heather has a different form of breast cancer (Hers is inflammatory …not sure the stage but I’m guessing Stage III, and mine is ductal Stage IIIA) we’ve had a similar course of treatment.  She had Chemo first (Neo-Adjuvently) and her Left Mastectomy with Lymph node dissection was Monday March 7^th. Mine was Monday March 21^st.  She’s recently begun the Triple Herceptin, as well.  I began mine this past Tuesday.  It is pretty interesting having something to read by someone who is on a very similar program, only weeks ahead.   It has been nice to hear that I am not experiencing pains that are very unusual.  I am bummed, however, that she got her drains out in 15 days, and mine took 21 and really could have stayed in longer.   Mine had not been taken out at week 2 because the doctor wanted the drainage to measure less than 20 cc in 24 hours. 

On a side note, this is the outfit i had on when my friends at "the other" coffee shop asked me if i was headed out to the Texas Relays.  I'm pretty sure they were asking me, like i was going to race.  It made more sense though when one of the girls said she thought it was "like potato sack races, or something".

http://www.texassports.com/sports/tex-relays/tex-tex-relays-body.html

The surgeon went ahead and took out the drain today, despite the fact that the drainage was still ranging from 45 to 50. Yea!? Catch 22.  I may have to return in a week to have any build up removed with a needle.  I am unfortunately beginning to think it is my fault that the drainage did not decrease like it was supposed to.  I figure I’m likely overdoing it with exercise, and in general.  The exercise addict in me does not want to admit that though.  I did wait 5 whole days after surgery before even walking. But, it’s true that by day 7, I walked 60 minutes on the trail, and have been walking an average of 70 minutes 5 days a week, since. (Hey, the surgeon said I could walk or ride a stationary bike!)    I do try to hold my arm still.   

 I’m also trying not to lift my kids or anything heavy, as instructed, not stretch my arm, and I am trying to mostly rest the rest of the day, as able.    I also think it is possible, due to the plateau in the output, that it could have been the drain itself causing some irritation, especially considering the fact that I have difficulty being still.  Now that the drain is out, I plan to lie as low as possible for the next 2 days.  I do get to take a shower tomorrow which should be great!  And, the doctor said I could begin to stretch my arm in about 1-2 weeks in order to regain the full range of motion.  I am currently able to lift it only to about 90 degrees.  

Here's a You Tube link to the song performed by Downtube Shifter(great picture quality, not great audio, except keyboard :)) if you'd like an idea of the tune.  I suggest now clicking link then  back to the blog to read while listening.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GB1psCH2W1w

Prior to this morning, my spirits have been heavy much of the time this week. I’ve even had moments where I felt like my heart was actually breaking.   There have, of course, been ups and downs (as seems to be my Modus Operandi). 

 Due to the fact that I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I am about ½ way through this……here we go again….stick with experience….., I’ve even begun to question if at any point I will actually truly give in to the method.  Give in enough that I will no longer feel the heartbreak? Not the physical heartbreak caused by the Herceptin, which is technically killing my heart and decreasing its potential for output (or ejection fraction), i'm talking about the heartbreak of giving in to the method, allowing patience, and more recently of severely missing my coping mechanisms which are embedded in exercise.  Running in particular.  Every morning I step outside and my first thought is still the current temperature and how it would feel to run today.  As I drive or walk around town, or on the trail, I still have vivid memories of runs I’ve had in the past.  For the first seven months, all of these thoughts gave me hope and were reminders of reasons to keep up the battle. Now, these thoughts are beginning to elicit these feelings of heartbreak.

This week while attempting to power through the heartbreak, I’ve been trying to remember that it is this awful method that is saving my life. .

 Remember earlier posts such as MRI results – No Cancer.  Pathology results - Clean.  These are wonderful things! I am truly grateful.  I have to admit, however, that these facts, along with comments from male friends of mine that believed it was now no longer necessary to return for more cancer treatment, have made the next 7 months (the 6.5 weeks of radiation, the 9 more months of  chemo and another hard core surgery) seem a bit more difficult to accept.   Overkill is one thought that comes to mind.  These facts have also, however, given me back a bit of control, as I noted when I went to see the oncologist and receive my first dose of triple Herceptin.  As I was sitting in the waiting room for infusion, a nurse came up to me, sat down and said…..”There’s been a small hitch in your treatment today…..Your MUGA or Echo (test for cardiac function) is overdue.  You must have one done every 3 months, and it has been 3.5 months since yours was done.  We can do the chemo today, but the doctor has to sign off on it”.  With that, I pulled out my new “I DO NOT HAVE CANCER CARD” that i didn't really even realize that I had until that moment, and said….Whatever you need to do, in order to not allow this wait fest to go on like it did the last 2 times I was here, is what you need to do.  If you need to go into the doctor and bust the door down right now to get him to sign off, then that is what you need to do.  I will not wait here for much longer.  I will leave.  ….And you tell him “I don’t have cancer anymore”. The nurse went away, and she came back in a few minutes and said “that worked”... 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m signed up. I’ve paid the fees.  I’ve done the base miles. I intend to complete this event.  But, it did give me a strange kick to say it out loud.  Risky, but liberating.  

SPAspital

SPAspital

My last post that was around 10:00 pm on Monday, the night of my surgery, made it sound like things were all going very well.  Well, at that point they WERE. It pretty much went downhill from there.  Richie left and I was happily going to settle in for the night.  Then the unexpected happened.  I could NOT sleep.  How could I be on Morphine and not be able to sleep?  Anxiety, I suppose, is a powerful thing but, I kept trying.  I kept pushing that button, and kept falling asleep for about 10 minutes. It was rough. I was pretty much up all night.  Without going into too much detail, I was not satisfied with the nursing care, and I’ve already begun to seek alternatives for my next surgery.  Someone asked me if I was having trouble sleeping because the nursing staff was keeping me awake, and I remember saying, no, if anything, it was me bothering them.  It was around 3:00 a.m. when I first mentioned to the Nurse Assistant that I had a severe headache, and that I found that odd, for someone on Morphine, and then after 4:00 by the time the nurse that was helping out my nurse came in to discuss this headache.  I finally began to blame the morphine itself for the headache and asked that nurse if there was anything else I could take instead, and she said yes, I could take the hydrocodone and just use the PCA (Morphine pump) as needed. I asked her what the usual plan/process for the weaning off of the morphine pump was, and she said “I don’t know”. Then, I began to wonder if should have been on the oral pills all along too instead of relying on the self-administration of the morphine, which I was actually trying to hold off on.  Just think how much pain I could have been in when I woke up, if I had actually fallen to sleep.  So, somewhere around 5:00 am I started the Hydrocodone and stopped the morphine.  The headache did not stop, however, until after my Mom arrived around 10:15 with my free iced latte’, and taco, and some Advil.  Free? You ask? Yes, Free! An amazing thing happened when my mom went to see my caffeine dealer at the Irie Bean coffee shop http://www.iriebean.com/  , (Raf,  sounds like Calf…his brother’s name is Ace J)  When my mom began to order my specialty drink,  Double Iced latte’, 2% milk, extra ice, less milk, Raf said, “Is this for the (bald) girl with the little boy who comes in here?  She likes it in the paper cup….”and he put it on the house!! It was awesome because I do like it in the paper cup, but I thought that was probably just one too many things for Mom to remember.   Then, Mom went to the Casita Taco next door and my sweet taco lady also guessed who it was for, and put it on the house for me as well!  Hand on chest…..Verklempt J.

At 8:00 a.m. my surgeon came in and told me the surgery went well, and that they visibly saw no cancer.  He gave me some instruction on how to care for the incision and told me that I would go home today, and to make a follow up appointment with him next week.  I was pretty out of it, so I don’t remember everything he said.  At 9:15, the next nurse came in and I asked about what time I’d go home and she said by 11:00.  I was shocked and believe I said “OH SH….I…T”.. ..I was not near being ready to get going out of there.  Then the nurse said, “Well, we will not kick you out. You can leave when you are feeling ready.”  So, when my mom arrived, I instructed her to lay low, and just stay in the room. I would not call the nurse, and we’d likely not see them until 2:00, which was about accurate.  The nurse tech did come in to take the BP, and then finally I did feel I needed to call someone to empty the drain. Should I even go into what happened next?  No, but it turns out that a liquid and gas filled rubber pocket does have a tendency to splatter when you release the little stopper. Next time I’ll close my eyes.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been a bit more emotional than usual.  I’ve been in more pain than I expected.  The doctor had told me that this surgery was “not that painful, but takes longer to recover from than you’d expect”. (Maybe because it IS PAINFUL to the person who has had the surgery).  I was in quite a bit of pain when the surgeon himself called me on Thursday to give me the pathology report results.  The great news was that they found NO CANCER in any of the breast tissue or any of the lymph nodes.  Unfortunately, I was so busy complaining about the hospital, and then further upset about what he said next that I hardly took note of that.  When I told him that I was having a lot of nerve pain, he said that generally that decreases with time, but it could be a year, or it may never go away.  He said that he has actually had to go back and cut nerves that were originally NOT cut, on people in order to get the nerve pain to stop.  So from that statement on, I’ve been a bit in the dumps. I’ve also been perseverating a bit on, and feeling a bit angry about how much time I still have left with this treatment.  I think being in pain makes it seem even longer.  I still have 6.5 weeks of radiation, then 3 months cooling off, then, left mastectomy and bilateral reconstruction. Then, i still won’t be quite done with the Herceptin chemo.  At this point, more surgery is not sounding very reasonable.  I’m hoping that by next week I’ll be able to see the light at the end of that tunnel more clearly again.

With all that said, I’m actually feeling a bit better even as I write. (See, Blahging is great.)  I’m sitting here thinking about all the good things that have happened this week.  I have very supportive family and friends.  I already mentioned the taco and latte’.  In addition to that, and my Mom doting on me most of the week,  this week alone, I’ve had flowers sent to me by my Uncle and Aunt, my father in law, and 2 of my friends Cindy R and Jenny C.  I’ve had friends bring me food….Lisa C, Jenny, homemade spring rolls by Roberta, and people take me out to lunch, mom and Cindy R.  One of my out of state friends, Kristin T. sent me a very thoughtful care package and I received a sweet note and a gift card from my 90 year old friend, Vi.   I received get well notes from my co-workers, supportive statements on my blog, personalized supportive emails and texts, and all of my neighbors got together and signed a card and gave me a gift certificate to the local Soup Peddler.   I’ve had my Words With….. Friends, up, playing words at all hours of the night, and I think I may have won one gaim.  One of my friends even gave me the gift of an old memory with his pledge to play a “reunion” rock show, which is normally out of character.  I got to go out to the ranch on a beautiful day with my family, my son learned to pee pee in the toilet, and my husband made me an awesome dinner of grilled shrimp and those awesome bacon wrapped cream cheese stuffed jalapenos!

I got to do modified yoga once, and got to go out and walk on the greenbelt twice.  I even found a new, even closer to my home, trail entrance.

One of my good friends told me that I looked great when he saw this photo of me at my, ‘Fist Punch’,  Gus Fruh, trail entrance on my first day out after surgery. 

Not really looking great, but sporting my new “fast runner look” on the right side.

Thank you for the compliment, though. J

Oh yes, I have not forgotton about the wonderful massage that i had that was set up for me before my surgery by my sweet friend Cindy S. Or, the awesome time i had hanging out with my BFF, and at the Downtube Shifter Tube Top Extravaganza.  Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate that day with us!

Thank you all again for your love and support, and your reminders of what keeps me treading forward.  I think next week will be a better week.

Emily