Selfish

Does having 2 breasts make a person selfish?  Quite possibly.   However, it has now been proven that having a wound on one's abdomen can create some pretty extreme selfishness.  I have to admit that since this surgery, I've been living pretty much in my own little world.  Just me and the 29 accounts (mostly comedic writers) that I follow on Twitter (outside of my beautiful immediate family). I haven't been much in the mood for getting together with others, or even blogging, for that matter.   For me, socialization is so extrememly linked to running, that not running can make it difficult.  And, as it turns out, NO ONE really wants to go to the gym and ride a recumbent bike!!  Anyway, cleaning this abdominal incision site wound twice a day and trying to keep my sanity (what little there may be) while watching it heal SO slowly without running/running socialization have turned my focus inward.

I've recently had 2 personally upsetting wake-up calls that I am going to share with you now because I feel that they are important and relative.

The first one happened a few weeks ago, when I was complaining to my husband over a nice dinner out, about some abdominal annoyance, or something and he (very rudely in my opinion at the time) said in response...."don't you ever see the positive"?  "How about how great it is that you don't have Cancer"!" Wow.  If you have any experience with my relationship with my husband you probably know that I've likened him to gristle.  He's tough and can sometimes appear insensitive.  He's never been one to go easy on me, that's for sure.  I am used to this, and I usually appreciate it in the long run, it's true.  However, while out on this dinner date I initially thought this response was a bit harsh, no matter how true it was. Until.. later.... when I said something else possibly not very pleasant, and he said that he was sick of me! Yikes!!  Now that hurts!!  It hurts especially when you realize that he's not the only one.  I realized that even I have become sick of myself.  Sick and tired of being self-absorbed.   So, since that day, I've been consciously attempting to work my way out of this selfish snowball.  I've attempted to prove my love to my husband with the extrememe sacrifice of building a website for his band.  Check it out if you want:  www.downtubeshiftertheband.com  It is still a work in progress. But, I will announce, that their 5 song EP CD Accelerando! is now available.  For now, you can just email the band at dtshifta@yahoo.com if you'd like one.  I think they are $5.00 plus any shipping.  It's a good CD and a pretty good sample of their music.  I'm still in the process of helping them get it out on CD baby, Band Camp, etc.

Now, today, I have regret.   I regret being so self absorbed that I haven't recently followed up with my friend who had surgery for removal of ovarian cancer on the same day that I had my reconstruction surgery. She has recently received some bad news and I was informed of it today from another friend.    This was not the verbal tap on the cheek that my husband gave me a few weeks ago.  This is the harsh reality of Cancer.   It affects all of us.


My fundraising with Fred's Team for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Ketterling is going well.  I've raised 1,550.00 of the $3,500.00 that I have commited to in order to be allowed entry into the NYC Marathon.  That's over 1/3 the way!  Thank you to everyone who has dontated and who has sent write-ups of people they would like to have highlighted in this blog and have miles dedicated to. I have appreciated and enjoyed reading these stories.  If you are considering donating, please do not hesitate.  Any amount is helpful and appreciated!

Here is the link to the donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730


This week marks the end of the schoool year.  I'm putting this photo in because I'm so proud of this girl, and she's the cutest girl in the world.

Next Wednesday I go back into surgery for the revision of the left breast and for surgical closure of this wound if it is not healed by then.  I am looking forward to that, and to getting back to running in order to train for the NYC Marathon!