I am an Ultrarunner

Well, I completed the Bandera 50K on Sat. Jan 7th.  My second official "Ultra" (short for UltraMarathon...that means it's longer than 26.2 miles).  Two years ago, almost exactly, i completed the exact same race.  Then i got cancer, did treatment, trained, then ran it again.  Last time I did the race it was my "A" race...which means that was my focus, i worked up to it and i tapered, or rested for it. 
Last time i ran a 6:09.  A good solid race effort.  The weather was perfect for me (very cold...12-44 degrees). Everything went very well.  I Placed 7th female and 2nd in my age. 
This time around, i decided about 10 days before the race that I would do it.  I did  not taper.  I ran 26 miles 7 days before the race on Saturday.  The weather was beautiful for a picnic, but not exactly perfect for an ultra trail run. (55-75 degrees).

This year i ran a time of 6:19.   I felt very happy with that time.  This year the race was also much larger.  I placed 12th female and 4th in my age group.

Both years I started and finished the race with my good friend Lisa.  A funny thing, though, because last time we trained very much together and we ran the whole race together.  This time, we've trained differently and were apart for much of the race, and still finished together.  I felt there was something symbolic about that...of course :).

No the shirts were actually NOT planned! :)

I remember when i first admitted that i was a "marathon runner."  It was after i'd run my second marathon and had qualified for Boston.  Always before that i would tell people i was not really a runner...just a person who ran sometimes.  This past week at work, it started to become common knowledge that i run A LOT.  People began asking and began to explain that i ran 31 miles the past weekend, and that i'm planning to run 35miles tomorrow.   One person asked.....31 miles? what is that??Called.   "It's an Ultramarathon".  (Even if, a "mini-ultra" in comparison to many other ultra events).  Then i found myself speaking aloud..."I'm an Ultrarunner.  Yikes! I've never said that before!
A few days later i was having a discussion with Lisa about the issues that being an ultra runner can cause... and she mentioned these UTube videos.  This is funny! You Simply must watch!

I am an Ultrarunner

If you like that, you must also check out on UTube "Training for an Ultramarathon", and "...I am a Marathon Runner. I am injured."


I've officially signed up for the Nueces 50 Miler on March 3rd. 

35 this Saturday
3M half marathon next weekend
40 miles the Saturday after...
Then begin to taper

With all that said, i've had a few strange things going on.  Hormonal Mostly.  The HOT Flashes have been horrible.  Possibly worse since i depleted my energy at the Bandera race, but not sure exactly.
I've been a bit panicked by this port, since #1 i wore the wrong  bra without a band aid over it and literally rubbed holes in my chest, and then i read on the Carnations Blog that the thing was supposed to be flushed now and then, and of course my Oncologist had not mentioned that...In his defense, he just said get it taken out.  I've delayed makin the appointment to take it out because it is unclear how many days i cannot run after the procedure.  It was 10 days after they put it in.

So...now i have an appointment with the surgeon on Monday to discuss taking out the port.
I suppose we will also talk about the plans for my second surgery.  Left mastectomy and reconstruction.  I've still made no absolute decisions, but have had some productive discussions with my husband that have helped.

In the Thick of It

Well I've now gone and done 2 things that were not exactly in my 50 mile training plan.  Two things that I am willing to mention, anyway. 
 

First, I signed up for the 3M 1/2 marathon which I will run on 1/29/12 for that last chance effort toward a NY marathon qualifier. And, speaking of “Last Chance”, now, I am also signed up for my beloved  Bandera 50K  trail race which is this weekend. (Note:  “Last Chance” is the name of the last rest stop at the end of the 50k race, 1/2 mile from the finish.  It would simply be silly for a person running the 50K to stop there, but I believe the history has to do with the 100k racers taking a shot of liquor, or something, there... silly trail runners J).

This past weekend on New Year’s Eve morning, I ran 26 miles.   I ran the 26 miles out at a park called McKinney Roughs with some good friends.  It was a beautiful day and couldn't have been a better way to wrap up this year. 

My Newest Running Buddy Jack, and myself, checking out the Map. But... check out the MOP.

My good friend Lisa on the Colorado River Bank with Steam.

Wow, have I come a long way this year!  Right now I would say that I'm truly "in the thick" of my running/training. This past week I ran my 26 mile long run, and a total of 54 for the week.  One year

ago at this exact time, I was in the thick of the chemotherapy.  Bald, weak and tired. Now I've got this huge alien sort of thick mop on my head and i'm getting physically pretty strong again.  

I’m running some long miles, and I’m physically able to have fun.   I remember last year taking a family trip to the coast around this time and I was actually afraid to go. I was afraid that I might drop Adaline while carrying her up or down the 16 steps to the house. I also knew that on days as full as a day at the coast could be with our 2 kids, I would get so worn out, that I would just feel like crying. 

We just got back from a 3 day trip to the coast. 

I thought this view was very cool because when i jogged up to it i literally could not tell where the ocean ended and the sky began. (Like in Forrest Gump).

I must have carried Adaline, who is at least 5 pounds heavier, up and down those 16 steps at least 5 times, lifted her on and off the boat, the bed, the chair, the car seat, and the floor, oh… 20 or so times and only once felt physically tired.   That was when I was idiotically attempting an 8 mile (+ 30 minutes of 2/1 fartlek) run, following a diet of fried fish and fried cream cheese jalapeños.) I did have one episode related to emotional fatigue when I over puréed one of Adaline’s meals to an indelible runny consistency.  But,  probably only someone who purees and feeds and cleans up puréed food containers 2-3 times a day for several years in a row, could really understand the upset that this could cause. (Jenn). Anyway, the point was that I felt great and had a great time, even if I do look sort of silly with the mop thing.  It’s funny that this trip is when I truly noticed the difference in my strength and energy levels, in life. 

For this weekends race, I am, once again, shooting for a good solid "race prep" run.  Race Prep for my “A” race, which is the  Nueces 50 Miler  on March 3rd. This weekend, at the 50K, I will try out some new race/running strategies and reassess some of the old.  I’m hoping to have fun and feel good.  I’m also hoping to be able to complete some sort of run on Sunday, and then slip seamlessly back into training, as usual on Tuesday, in order to continue my progression of fitness for the next 8 weeks.

For Your Entertainment... Introducing...   "Dancing Ace"....doing the "Bust and Freeze" to SAIL.

The Anticlimax

What a strange week.

I blew off my last echocardiogram because I figured what's the point.  And, my friend the Nurse Practitioner at the Oncology clinic said that I didn’t really have to do it.  I only had one more Herceptin treatment left, and we were going to go ahead and do it anyway.  Part of me wanted to see if my echo was actually any BETTER due to all the running I’ve been doing, but the larger part of me really just wanted to skip an appointment. I felt like I needed to make some kind of point or something. Feel rebellious, etc.  Anyway, I didn’t go.

I did my last (let’s hope anyway) Chemo (Herceptin) on Wednesday last week.  Again, like on the last day of my Radiation, I was sort of hoping that there would be confetti, or someone would ring that bell for me, or something. But, Alas, no one there seemed to know that it was my last treatment.  Nothing Happened. No Celebration. No Congratulations. Nothing.  I got poked, I got infused, and I did my usual best to ignore everything else going on in that room. I was on the phone and the computer, and I hardly even noticed the F------ harp player, but it WAS helpful that I was one row further away from her this time.  As I walked out, it was sort of like  s  l  o  w  motion as I passed that big brass bell on my left.  I’m not a shy person, and had I really felt deep down that the whole thing was over, I would have reached up and just RANG the () thing myself.  But…I didn’t.  I’m not sure if it was the fact that I knew I had to go back there the very next day to have the actual appointment with the oncologist, or the fact that I’ve still made no final decisions regarding the longevity of my left breast, made no plans for reconstruction, or the fact that I still have this port-a-cath imbedded in my left subclavian veins. But I just didn’t.  I just couldn’t, in full consciousness, ring that bell.  It would have been cool if someone else would have rung it, but, I just couldn’t do it myself.   Once I made it past the bell, I did, however, shed 2 tears as I walked out toward the stairwell.  I was not really clear on where the tears were coming from.  The last time I cried was July of this year (the last time I had a menstrual period) if you’re not counting the tears I shed 2 weeks ago as I got into my car to drive away from the trail race I did that weekend.  Those were tears of joy, though.  Tears of rejuvenation.  You know, the kind where you are sort of laughing and crying at the same time.  So, I really wasn’t counting that as crying. While one my think these tears I shed while walking out of the chemo room would have been of joy, or relief, they really didn’t feel that way.  Instead, during this slow motion scenario as I was walking out, I was experiencing a flashback of the last 16 months.  The infusions, the waiting, and the faces of the other patients.  I guess it was mixed emotion.  THAT, and as it turned out, a mere 2 days after the end of my Herceptin, I started my period again!  WOW! I thought that was over with!! I’ve been through hard core Menapause two times now and it is no fun.  In retrospect, I had noticed that my hot flashes were getting easier and farther apart.  Not really even waking me up.  I sort of thought that might be due to the fact that it’s been colder her, so I thought maybe I just wasn’t minding, or noticing them.  Well, I guess I’ll have to inform the doctor of this, but I’m thinking maybe it’s all part of the menopause. 

After meeting with the Oncologist for my “wrap up” appointment I really didn’t feel that much more resolve than I had prior to the appointment.  A summary of how that went: Wait in waiting room one hour.  Just about to get up to leave and the nurse came out to get me and said…”I was hoping you hadn’t left….the doctor is just getting back from vacation.  (At least the nurse knows me, I guess).   Once the doctor came in he began to dictate in front of me as he commonly does and he was saying something about how I’m continuing Herceptin.  I said NO, it was done yesterday.  We argued about it a bit, then he confirmed that yes, I was done.  He gave me a long spiel about Hi Tech vs. Low tech and Fatality rates with Breast Cancer in order to try to convince me for the 3^rd time that I DO NOT need any PET scans or further MRIs.  Maybe a chest x-ray, now and then.  He said that the patient ususally catches metastasis before the scans do, or "nearly" as soon :(.   Well,  let’s just hope I’m ON my CANCER game  a bit better than I was last time when I went in for the first time with a 7 centimeter tumor in my right breast.  He said that I can go get this Port out anytime, and that he would see me in four months.  We didn’t speak at all about the other side.  I know I’m not fully an optimist, but, I AM starting to think Conspiracy here.  Conspiracy between the Oncologist and the General Surgeon for me to keep this thing on the left despite initial recommendations to have it taken off too.    We’ll see though.  I’ll call the surgeon to make and appointment to discuss the port and the following surgery and reconstruction.  The reason I write this is in case anyone is reading this who has had breast cancer like mine where they initially recommend Bilateral Mastectomy due to aggressiveness of the cancer and due to young age.   Do NOT fall for the argument that you can remove the other breast during the reconstruction surgery.  When you have larger breasts, IT is really not cool to have one.  I won’t go into the details again.  I would have preferred to just have them both taken initially, as i thought was going to happen.  Remember, the general surgeon informed me only days before the surgery that we would wait to do the other side until the reconstruction happens.  I was not reconstructed at that time due to radiation.  I have, however, interviewed several of my therapy clients recently who have had single mastectomy with NO reconstruction and asked them how they have liked it.  They all say, it’s horrible to have one.  AND, a side note is that I’ve noted that many of them have moderate to severe scoliosis.  I don’t think it is a coincidence.  My chest, back and underarm are so tight it is affecting my right hip and groin.  This may be mostly due to the radiation though.  As my dermatologist said….As she was cutting a hole in my right thigh to rule out skin cancer…..Radiation makes the muscles “like beef jerky”.  She’s right.  So, I suppose I cannot blame all the tightness on the surgery alone.

Enough about that.  I’ve decided to attempt a medical free holiday and not make any appointments until after the New Year.  

As for running.  It is great.  Last week was my highest mileage week so far this time around.  47 miles and full of HILLS, HILLS, HILLs.  Long run was 21 miles trail with lots of HILLs.  This week is recovery week.  I’ll do my best not to gain much weight with Holiday Foods Galore.

This is the hairdo that happens when one is trying to hold down the wacky hair that does whatever it wants.

Next week 25 miles long trail run.

I wish everyone the Happiest and Healthiest of Holidays!

Lessons in Patience

One thing that I was pretty sure that cancer would not take from me was my patience.  Clicking off weeks and months of treatment and months and months of appointments, surgery and recovery, I often thought how this practice could help me become more patient as a person, and a more patient distance runner.  It takes patience to train for, and to run, long distances.    

Prior to cancer I was not really a fast runner.  My strengths as a runner were primarily that I was very patient, and very controlled, and “kind of strong” in general.  Some called it toughness. Whether it was physical or mental I'm not sure.  I was the queen of the perfect repeat, or of the negative split in workouts and many races.  I have many times relaxed and watched as competitors have run past me at mile 18 in order to pass them again at 25.  I’ve been able to control my pace to almost exact times.  I could follow a race plan to a “T”.  Once, I ran a marathon within 6 seconds of my goal time. Also, the average pace of the last 6 miles (of that marathon) was 1 minute faster than the first 20.  A negative split.  That was how I wanted it.  Partly because that's how I trained, and partly because when I had asked the head coach of my running group that time, Steve Sisson of Rogue, if a negative split marathon was possible and he said.. It's very difficult to do... but possible... it was then that I knew that negative splitting the marathon was what I needed to do.

During my cancer treatment I often tried to parallel treatment to distance/trail training in my mind.  It was something that gave me comfort due to the familiarity and the small feeling of control that it gave me.  Somehow, I could “pace” myself through it.  I also felt that if I couldn't train by running, at least I was going to be tuning and strengthening the important skills of patience and control.

Now, after over a year of this practice and 4 months of being back to running, I’m wondering… “Is it possible that, instead of tuning and strengthening my patience and control, I have used them up or let them go?”  Regarding control…I do know that this cancer treatment required me to “give in to THE METHOD” on more occasions than I was comfortable.  It did indeed require patience to continue for the 16 months I have endured, however, now I’m finding myself impatient and eager. I began to realize this about 6-8 weeks ago when I first started having some good runs.  After my warm up, or even before I was warm, I would find myself beginning to pick up the pace much earlier in the workout than I ever would have before. If I was doing repeats of something, like mile repeats, the 3rd or 4th repeat might be the fastest instead of the more desired last one.  This goes against everything that's always worked for me before in training.  I actually even used to lightly mock people like me who would run this way.  I've known it was happening and I've just let it.  I have NOT controlled myself.  I have given in to the temptation to run out of control.

This Saturday I ran a 25K trail race.  This weekend’s race was yet another lesson for me.  This race was supposed to be a training run for me. 

This was my RACE PLAN: Run the first 5 miles easy and then the last 10.5 miles at race pace and achieving a negative split overall.

Here’s how it went:

Mile 1: Too Fast.  *Fastest mile of My race,  but…. I’ll let that slide… everyone was fast. 

Mile 2: Too fast again.  Try to calm down. Try to follow plan…

Mile 3: Try to Pace….Try to be OK with letting these stupid Bitches pass me up this hill. They will pay later.

Mile 4: Running Balls Out! on the downhills!  Not patient! Not controlled…  But SO FUN!  I killed everyone near me for that next mile or two, that's for sure!  Really, I think that trying to keep up with me for those couple miles must have hurt some folks because I think only 1 guy passed me after that.  I did go on to pass maybe 9-10 people the rest of the race.  This all sounds kinda good, but, I kinda killed myself too.  AND I did not follow my plan...! I didn’t maintain control.

Around mile 6 I took some time to ease up and try to regroup and it helped some. It prevented a full on BONK, but some of the damage had been done. It was not going to be the negative split training run I had planned.

Pace and manage.  I don't know where this came from, but this was my mantra from mile 7-14.

At mile 14 I came up behind a woman who I had raced against, and beat, at the 20 miler that I won back in March 2010.  My Heyday J.  I was tired, but I had to catch and pass this person.  At this point this was a good thing for me. It gave me some focus.  Once I passed her, I was able to see the finish line and one person between me and the finish that looked like she could have been in my age group. There was about .5 miles to go.  I wasn’t sure if I had enough time to catch her, but I knew I would be angry at myself if she was in my category and I did not try.  So, I pretended that I heard my friends cheering for me, and I answered, for myself, a question that I had recently heard asked…Do you have something more to give?  And I passed her within 20 yards of the finish line.

Now that I think about it, it’s likely that this woman was just finishing her first loop of the 50K race that had started 30 minutes before my race….  (In the running world, this is probably pretty pathetic that I was trying to beat a girl in the race of twice the distance I was running. But hey, I didn’t know…and I could not take that chance anyway J). That last mile was my second fastest of my race.

Here I am holding my 2^nd place in age group award. 

 10^th female overall out of 36. 

Despite my disappointment that i did not follow my race plan,  I AM very happy with this.  This place is very similar to something I might have done just before cancer.  As a matter of fact, the last race that was put on by this group (Rogue) that I ran back in May 2010, I got 2^nd in my age group and 8^th female.  I know now that my body just wanted to see what it could do.  It was in a fight with my mind and this time I let it win.  

Cancer Rain Check?

Since I was diagnosed with breast Cancer in August 2010, many things have happened.  Likely very few of which I was aware.  I remember when I was pregnant with Ace I tried to stay connected to the world and my running friends the best I could under the circumstances.  I remember I would go out to the races that I would have potentially been running had I not been pregnant, and cheer.  I have memories of living that year.

Now that it has been over a year since I was diagnosed, and a year since treatment was in full swing, my memories of last year are very odd and even distorted.  It is often difficult for me to distinguish memories from the year before as being 2 years ago.  This time last year I was in full blown Chemotherapy with the “Red Devil”.  Unlike the past 5 or so years, my memories of last year do not revolve around running races, or training schedules.  They revolve around phases and stages of treatments, and feelings; both mental and physical.  Phases of weakness, and some nausea, hotflashes, and being cold too.   I remember baldness and certain hats that I wore.    I remember my Mom doing my dishes, and eating lots of Soup that friends would bring over by the gallons. I remember notes that friends wrote me and even certain texts. I remember when I started my blog, and even some of the entries.   I remember very little about work except the little presents or chocolates that my co-worker would leave for me after each treatment and that I wore scarves to keep my neck warm. I remember little about what other people were doing.  I remember nothing about politics or things going on in the world other than anything that had to do with the iphone.  I do however remember the approximate distances that I was calling my “long run” which occurred weekly on Tuesday Mornings before my chemotherapy, with the Team Rogue Group.  I remember people that were in the group at that time.  I remember how people were very nice to me and how some would look at me with a very confused look on their face.   I don’t blame them, of course. Many of them didn’t know why I looked the way I did, and  It’s not every day you see someone at a running group who is ghostly pale, bald, and currently undergoing chemotherapy. 

This past week I was running with one of the women who had been in the group at this time last year.  I’ve known of her for several years.  I’ve seen her around.  She’s much faster than me so we just never really ran together or got to know one another.  Anyway, she ran up behind me and began to run beside me and asked me how my Thanksgiving was.  It was funny to me because I initially had no idea she was talking to me.  I figured she was asking the faster guy to her right.  “Oh, me?”  I said something about how it was good and how happy I was that our kids were good in the car on the 14 hour drive to Alabama, and back. I decided at this point that I would attempt to keep the running up at her pace.  Why not?  It was cool outside… a good running temperature for me.  We began to discuss running, and running marathons, which is an unsurprisingly common topic of discussion on a run such as this.  She asked me what I was training for and I told her about the 50 mile trail run I have scheduled in March. We discussed trail running versus road running.  Neidra, the woman I was talking to, has done some trail running and has considered “going trail” J.  I said something to the effect of… I have very little desire anymore to run road marathons, at this time anyway… except the New York City Marathon.  I mentioned that one bummer about getting Cancer when I did, was that now I may not be able to make it into the New York Marathon.  You see, prior to Cancer, I had qualified for and completed the Boston Marathon.  I had run a 50k trail race and done well in several other trail races.  My next plans were to run a fast ½ marathon in order to qualify myself for guaranteed entry into the NY Marathon (which was the last Marathon I really had the desire to run) with the 3M marathon in January. After that I was going to run the 50 miler in March.  This was to happen in Jan-March 2011.   During cancer treatment (which ended up what happened instead) when I was running, I always had in the back of my mind the 50 mile trail race.  Many days that thought is what kept me going.  When I got back into training again in August/September 2011, I kept my focus on the trail race and decided that this is what I should do because this is what is driving me, AND…I don’t have to worry about running FAST.  Even when I first approached my road coach John Schrup with my 50 mile plan, he said he could support that, based on the same thinking….I would’t have to run fast, or anything. 

Now, I’m mentioning this to Neidra, how I’m a bit disappointed that now I may not ever be able to qualify for New York because they are going to change the qualifying times to be much faster….To be beyond my likely achievable zone.  Her response was…”well, couldn’t you get a Rain Check or something?” I liked that idea very much, and have played it out in my head several times since….

Dear ING NYC Marathon,

I was scheduled to qualify for your marathon in Jan 2011, but got cancer, and did treatment instead.  I feel sure that I would have qualified at that time because I needed to run a 1:44, and I had previously run a 1:48 during a training run, without actually racing.  I hear now that the qualifying times for my age/gender will be changed to 1:30 which is likely beyond my ability.  A friend of mine mentioned that you might be able to give me a rain check for the 1:44 time, so I thought I’d ask. 

Sincerely,

Emily H.

One of the difficult things about this is that there is still actually a very small, untimely, window of opportunity.  I could still qualify if I ran the 1:44 by 1/31/12.  There is a fast half marathon in Austin on 1/29/12.

The problem is, I’ve been running trail 4/5 days per week, and running slow for the most part.  

Grist State Park Alabama

 My primary goal is still the 50 miler and I’m supposed to run 35 miles the day before the mentioned half marathon race and 15 miles the day of the race.  But….could I squeeze this qualifying time in? without getting injured? and without derailing my primary running goal?.... if the rain check idea doesn’t pan out?

4 hour 20 minute trail run in the rain completed last weekend.

15 mile trail race/training run this weekend.

Post Cancer Blues? Not Really.

Many marathon runners experience a phenomenon that many runners like to call post marathon depression  I prefer to call it post marathon blues due to the fact that I feel it is somewhat less serious than depression, as in the case of the “baby blues” or post partum blues.   

The focus that is required to train for and to run, a marathon requires much time and attention to detail regarding things such as schedule, nutrition, progress and recovery.  It becomes part of who you are.  In many ways, your purpose.  When a particular training season and/or race are over, it is time to take time away.  The time away often feels good at first but soon the urge to return to the lifestyle, the sense of purpose, and often the friends one has made, becomes overwhelming.

I know I've paralleled marathon and trail running training with cancer treatment on several occasions. 

Tonight I found myself sitting here thinking... “I should write a blog.... But, I really don't have much to report on... all I've really got to mention is my running.” I realized I haven't posted in 2 weeks. It’s almost as if I’ve unconsciously taken time away.  Time off.  I began to realize that this moment in time is very similar for me to the period of time one experiences between a big event such as a marathon or having a baby, and life as it becomes after that event. .  "After completing the marathon, runners move from the ‘unknown' to the 'known’, ‘Can I do this?’ to ‘I've done it.’”. (McCallister).  What’s funny is that I do not feel sad or blue in general.  Frankly I’m probably as happy as I’ve ever been.  I’m happy to be alive and I’m feeling stronger every day.  I’m bumping my focus on cancer treatment with my focus on running.  My purpose to make it through cancer treatment has been replaced with my purpose to live a fulfilling life, and have a happy family.  The only thing that brings on a sort of sad feeling, or feeling of disconnect is regarding the lack of blogging.   The blog has been a large part of my mental focus and has been integral to much of my support system for a year now.  It's kind of like a friend that I have made this season.    It's a purpose that I've grown attached to.

Maybe people won’t mind following my progress to the 50 miler in March.

I'm very near “I've done it”.  Two Herceptin left. One just before Thanksgiving, one just before Christmas, then the real New Year.

18 mile long run planned this weekend.  Should be around 43 for the week.  4/5 days trail.

iBlog

While my mind is currently "iClouded" with random information,  I will make this attempt at a direct blog, for once.  We'll see how that goes.

This week has been a great one, really.  I've spent most of my week literally,  "in character" in my mind.  That character being my recently bedazzled alter ego, "POW" Howell. 

"POW" Howell is a female boxing superhero, of sorts.  When created, she was intially,  "Fightin' Cancer, Bitch!"  She quickly realized that that fight was going very well and so decided to take on "Laziness",  as well.

"Are you Lazy?  I'm gonna POW you!"  She would say.

This character was apparently being found lazy at some point.

This one was found doing NO wrong and ultimately knocked "POW" plum out with her super beauty.

The parts of the week that I spent in my usual character also went very well.



 I'm feeling better each week.  Running is getting easier.  Hmm. I wonder why?

I'm up to 16.5 mile long run on the trail,  and last week was my highest weekly mileage, since cancer, at 41 miles.  Mostly trail.  

I went to the GAP today, and it barely phased me.  I stayed in my own world (iPhone).   They didn't even test my blood levels, so i couldn't even perseverate on that.  I basically ate my salad and left.  Two more Herceptin Treatments.  I'll be done before Christmas.

The only thing that kind of left me a bit unsettled this week was the lack of feedback on the Sharkboy blog.  I'm probably digging a hole here, but I want to leave readers with 2 possible morals to that story:

Never make light of another person's tragedy. (The obvious one).

and.....

Disability and Despair can be FUNNY.  Particularly, if they are your own. (Apparently).