Selfish

Does having 2 breasts make a person selfish?  Quite possibly.   However, it has now been proven that having a wound on one's abdomen can create some pretty extreme selfishness.  I have to admit that since this surgery, I've been living pretty much in my own little world.  Just me and the 29 accounts (mostly comedic writers) that I follow on Twitter (outside of my beautiful immediate family). I haven't been much in the mood for getting together with others, or even blogging, for that matter.   For me, socialization is so extrememly linked to running, that not running can make it difficult.  And, as it turns out, NO ONE really wants to go to the gym and ride a recumbent bike!!  Anyway, cleaning this abdominal incision site wound twice a day and trying to keep my sanity (what little there may be) while watching it heal SO slowly without running/running socialization have turned my focus inward.

I've recently had 2 personally upsetting wake-up calls that I am going to share with you now because I feel that they are important and relative.

The first one happened a few weeks ago, when I was complaining to my husband over a nice dinner out, about some abdominal annoyance, or something and he (very rudely in my opinion at the time) said in response...."don't you ever see the positive"?  "How about how great it is that you don't have Cancer"!" Wow.  If you have any experience with my relationship with my husband you probably know that I've likened him to gristle.  He's tough and can sometimes appear insensitive.  He's never been one to go easy on me, that's for sure.  I am used to this, and I usually appreciate it in the long run, it's true.  However, while out on this dinner date I initially thought this response was a bit harsh, no matter how true it was. Until.. later.... when I said something else possibly not very pleasant, and he said that he was sick of me! Yikes!!  Now that hurts!!  It hurts especially when you realize that he's not the only one.  I realized that even I have become sick of myself.  Sick and tired of being self-absorbed.   So, since that day, I've been consciously attempting to work my way out of this selfish snowball.  I've attempted to prove my love to my husband with the extrememe sacrifice of building a website for his band.  Check it out if you want:  www.downtubeshiftertheband.com  It is still a work in progress. But, I will announce, that their 5 song EP CD Accelerando! is now available.  For now, you can just email the band at dtshifta@yahoo.com if you'd like one.  I think they are $5.00 plus any shipping.  It's a good CD and a pretty good sample of their music.  I'm still in the process of helping them get it out on CD baby, Band Camp, etc.

Now, today, I have regret.   I regret being so self absorbed that I haven't recently followed up with my friend who had surgery for removal of ovarian cancer on the same day that I had my reconstruction surgery. She has recently received some bad news and I was informed of it today from another friend.    This was not the verbal tap on the cheek that my husband gave me a few weeks ago.  This is the harsh reality of Cancer.   It affects all of us.


My fundraising with Fred's Team for cancer research at Memorial Sloan-Ketterling is going well.  I've raised 1,550.00 of the $3,500.00 that I have commited to in order to be allowed entry into the NYC Marathon.  That's over 1/3 the way!  Thank you to everyone who has dontated and who has sent write-ups of people they would like to have highlighted in this blog and have miles dedicated to. I have appreciated and enjoyed reading these stories.  If you are considering donating, please do not hesitate.  Any amount is helpful and appreciated!

Here is the link to the donation site:

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730


This week marks the end of the schoool year.  I'm putting this photo in because I'm so proud of this girl, and she's the cutest girl in the world.

Next Wednesday I go back into surgery for the revision of the left breast and for surgical closure of this wound if it is not healed by then.  I am looking forward to that, and to getting back to running in order to train for the NYC Marathon!

Patience

The past 2 weeks have proven quite a test for my patience.  I've not been blogging about it for 2 reasons.
Firstly, in order for this literal "watching the grass grow" (wound healing) period to pass somewhat unnoticed by me, and secondly, because I've been "cheating" on my blog with that "Twitter" croud.  It's a fantasy world out there, I tell you, and that suits me just fine for now.  I think, for me, facing this open wound on my abdomen 3 times a day is a bit much for my psychee and I've sought out an alter reality. (I suppose I had to do something when I decided to go off the Vicodin cold turkey a few weeks ago.)  I don't mean to be a wuss, but, despite having done wound care as a PT tech and a clinician, and not minding wounds on other people, it just freaks me out to have a wound on my own body, not to mention that it is a reminder that I still have a ways to go before this phase is over. This is going to require more patience.    The open wound that I'm referring to is primarily in the center area of the abdominal incision.  Basically what happened is that the Plastic Surgeon folded me over, cut my abdominal roll off, and glued me back together.  Problem was, there wasn't that much to take, so they had to glue me back super tight!  Needless to say, the center area sort of made it's way back open due to trying to stand up, and/or lie flat.  Everyone at the plastic surgeon's office has assured me that this happening is "very common amongst the 'thinner' patients." Well, If you know me, you know that I'll take a skinny compliment any way I can get it, and that that was probably the ONLY thing that they could have said to me to make this at all acceptable, but, it still did  not negate my anxiety and my desire for this thing to be closed and done with.  On the good news side of things, the wound is "healthy and will heal in time".

 I am scheduled to return the first week of June for the revision to the left breast.  The "Lift and Tuck", or "Alignment", if you will.  This procedure supposedly requires a 4 day recovery time, but I really do not believe that.  I think that is all relative.  Yes, I guess I'd believe 4 days to get back to sitting on the couch and watching Oprah, but what about dependent lifting a spastic 8 year old, a 275 pound stroke patient, or running the Hill of Life? Somehow I doubt it.  This procedure might also include "fat injections" to round out some of the areas.  Apparentely, they can take a syringe and suck out some fat from somewhere on my body and inject it into my breasts. When I heard this, I immediately asked myself why don't all flatter chested people not have this done instead of implants, but I forgot to ask the doctor.  I promise I will ask next time and let you all know!  The only problem is where to get the fat.  Yes, it does have to be from me, sorry.  I was initially liking the idea of taking it off the back of my arms, but then realized that this would  just leave loose skin flapping there.  Possibly less attractive than flabby skin flapping.  So, my next preferred area will be what I call my "tube", or "back fat" (back fat being a bit of a misnomer because it is really more on the sides).  Hopefully they can use that without making more divots in the area :).

On to more exciting news!


I'm officially signed up for the 2012 ING NYCMarathon to run with Fred's Team, a charity which supports cancer research at Memorial Sloan Ketterling.


I've already raised $1,300,00 toward my goal of $3,500.00 for Cancer Research!
Thank you everyone who has donated!
If you are considering helping support this goal and Cancer Research, please click here to donate:
It's EASY!
http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Thank YOU!


For more practice in patience click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c1dGd033C8&sns=em


For more Dancing Ace Entertainment click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lesm_Xdp7co&sns=em


Emily

Happy Birthday to Me

 "Running the marathon is the best wasy I know to fight this disease."
Fred Lebow, co-founder, NYCmarathon.

I don't know if it was the Vicodin induced confusion, a deep seeded inability to completely "let go" of the road running, or my innate insanity, but I've decided to run the ING New York City Marathon on November 4th, 2012 (yes that IS in 6 months) in order to celebrate the completion of a challenging 2 years of cancer treatment, and to raise money for Cancer Research. 

Please follow the Link below to my personal  Donation site, read my story, and Donate.

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/FredsTeamEvents/Freds_Team?px=2099537&pg=personal&fr_id=1730

Fred Lebow Memorial Statue Central Park New York

Also, PLEASE forward the above link to my donation site or the link to ballotable records to anyone, including Facebook Friends.  Thank you very much !

Emily