More Than a Woman

58 hours. Or, approximately 2.5 days until I'll be standing at the starting line of of this race that has consumed me, or filled in any spare mental space, for the better part of the past 7 months. Hopefully, I'll be standing there well rested and feeling good.  Hopefully my recent setback of left leg problems will not interfere. Hopefully.

The past 2 weeks has been an interesting and somewhat insightful time for me.  Taper madness is a common thing amongst athletes who have been intensly training and then back off in order to rest for their race. This has defintely entered my situation.

check out this crazy tape job.  yes that is my leg.

I think,  also,  that since I've done an EXTREME taper, I've had even extra time to think about things, and relax a bit, and it's been a good thing.  I've had a bit of time to sort of do a little travel down memory lane. This trip started with a visit to my old gym near our old pink house on the East Side.  We lived there for 10 years and moved out when Ace was 1 and a half.  I loved that house and the location, but we moved out for more space, more yard, better schools, and quieter night sleep.  That house was right next to The University.  I was at the gym in order to attempt some exercise on Sunday, the day after my last post where I was sitting on my couch, opting out of my 15 mile run.  I realized I was still not ready to attempt running, and the only thing I could think of was to attempt aquajogging.  Well, once I AquaFlogged around for about 25 minutes while some creepy old guy was standing in the hot tub staring at my one boob, I decided I'd had enough of that.  This reminded me how I really hated aquajogging. This experience proved to be the opposite of trail running.  It also reminded me in no uncertain terms, that have one breast, and I do not like that, either.  Especially in a bathing suite.   I followed my "work out" with a visit to my old neighborhood coffee shop that I used to love. I had spent many an hour pushing either Adaline, or Ace, or both in a jogging stroller to visit this place...  Cherrywood Coffee House.  I had just enough time to get my coffee and read the latest post on Some Girls Prefer Carnations Blog.  Heather, the author, mentioned that she had recently completed reading a book called "No Less a Woman" which discussed topics of Breast Reconstruction and why or why not women would want to have it done.  I was seconds away from ordering the book online when it occurred to me that this book might  not apply to me because I never really thought of myself as a woman before cancer.  Really.  So  how could the fact that having one breast be threatening my womanhood? The answer is, it's not. I realized immediately that, if anything, I am definately Much MORE of a WOMAN now than I ever was before.   I'd like to think maybe even ... "More Than a Woman", as was so eloquently sung by the Bee Gees back in the late 70's for the album and movie Saturday Night Fever. 



Since we're going down memory lane. 

Please do not take me wrong.  I am not making fun of this book, and I am still interested in reading it. And, just the mention of the book itself has already been helpful to me.
Next stop was an attempt at trail jogging on Tuesday morning.  I skipped my Tuesday Rogue Run for the first time in?? maybe 6 months, so it got me thinking about that, and what an impact that has made in my life over the past year and a half.

My attempt at trail running did not go so well.  It turned into a walk jog, but it was a very nice morning.  It had been raining here and the Barton Creek had water down to the 360 entrance and beyond for the first time in over a year.  This reminded me of my training 2 years ago when the creek was full the whole training season.   It also gave me time to remember my return to attempting to walk jog after my surgery.

My next stop was a  visit to the YMCA for more aquajogging. This time with my training partner and friend Lisa who is also struggling with a leg irritation herself.  (Otherwise why in the Hell would she be aquajogging?)  This stop helped me realize once again, how much friendship plays a role in a person's ability to complete difficult tasks, and difficult life situations, and even make them enjoyable.  60 minute aquajog completed :) 

Lisa and me outside Hill of Life after surgery.

My Saturday attempt at a long run of 8 miles went O.K. regarding the leg. Some foot issues, but not really much worse.  More importantly, I enjoyed every minute of the time out on the trail.  I started later than usual (Than EVER really) due to the fact that i had gone out the night before to see Downtube Shifter ROCK the Carousel lounge.  I also got to run with my friend Cindy again.  This run really brought things full circle for me.  Cindy had been there with me at the start.  As I was scraping my way back to the trail during chemotherapy. And again after surgery and radiation.

I was weak and bald, and it was oh so dry and hot.

Me and Cindy during Chemo

And again after surgery.

Me at Hill of Life After Surgery

Now, my hair is out of control and the water was in the creek in places she'd never seen it.  It was like we were kids out exploring an area for the first time, despite the fact that i've logged literally hundreds of miles there.

Me last this past weekend at Barton Creek

During our run we ran into Lisa and Jack, the two people I've done the bulk of this training season with.  This was the perfect place for us all to reunite, discuss the race a bit and  have some laughs about our own selves.

Me, Jack, Lisa

 "This Fanny Pack is SaWeet!"  Only a trail runner would say that, Jack!



The next week I found myself back in another one of my old neighborhoods, and now aquajogging at the crack of dawn outside at this outdoor pool that I used to walk across the street to go swimming in.

I found myself actually "enjoying" this aquajog.
This new affinity for aquajogging, and this.. "sign"...,

 I've taken as proof that people, and things, can change, or improve in a matter of days.

Spring is now in the air here.  Richie's band Downtube Shifter just secured a show during the South By Southwest Music Festival on Saturday night at 6:00.  You know me....This reminded me of last year's SXSW show and how all my friends came out wearing Tube Tops to support DownTube Shifter and to support me on the eve of my first Mastectomy. 

SXSW 2010 TubeTop Extravaganza

Richie March 2012

If you are good at puzzles, you've probably already figured out where I'm going with all this.  I've just gotten off of the phone with the nurse for the plastic surgeon.  She is working on scheduling my left mastectomy and bilateral reconstruction.  This surgery will be planned for sometime in the first half of April, on a date that both the regular surgeon, and the plastic surgeon can get together at a hospital that we can all agree on.  It has already been scheduled once, with my old surgeon, who I actually do like very much.  He wouldn't,  or couldn't go to the more preferred hospital, so now i'm choosing to change surgeons and have the surgery performed at a different hospital. 

I'll end with the fact that this taper has also given me the opportunity to spend some more fun time with the family.  I know I've mentioned it before, but I have super cute kids:

I don't know where he gets it.

I would say wish me Luck, but it is clear that I already have it. :)

Recovery Week

Recovery has new meaning. 

Time is such an interesting thing really.  16 months of Cancer Treatment and Recovery, then suddenly I'm living life again, running, and having to recover from that.  Let me re-type...Getting.... to recover from that!  Running is something that I originally took up pretty much after Adaline was born as a stress reliever and a social outlet that could happen early in the morning.  (Adaline woke up at 5:50 a.m. without fail for about 3 years in a row so we were already conditioned for that.) After she was born, my exercise outlet/addiction started with Cycling.  Ironically, I switched over to running because it was LESS time consuming! :).

Well, here I am now, in a recovery week of my choice.  I had 2 high mileage weeks in a row including one 40 mile trail run, with little physical issue....UNTIL...the end of that 2 weeks.  No specific cause other than the cumulation of miles and of hill work.  I think that my body just reached it's maximum physical tolerance with what I currently have to work with, and it decided to rebel.  So here I am in recovery week, actuallly having to recover from a setback.  It started with a little ache in my foot then some (different) nerve tingling in my foot.  Now it is a variety of muscle spasms, cramps, and pains throughout the left leg and foot and some in my left hamstrings and piriformis.   I, of course completed my 20 mile run last Saturday knowing that the initial ache in the foot existed.  Some folks might say, well why would you go ahead and run the 20 miler and here's what i'll tell you....Some of it IS indeed due to the fact that there is a certain amount of obsessivity that goes along with being in an ultrarunning situation.  There is also a very strong focus on an end goal and a plan that gets you there.  The OTHER thing that some  might realize about me is that like many older people and probably many other athletes, I am actually constantly managing pains and spasms.  My feet and legs could be compared to a circus in many ways.  Managing the muscle spasms due to Multiple Sclerosis is like balancing on a high wire, and juggling balls at the same time.  A very careful balance of hydration, healthy fat intake, exercise, and stress and anxiety management (which unfortuntely must also be managed while minimizing alcohol intake). Believe it or not, sometimes the hardest of hill work outs actually relaxes the muscles at night allowing the best sleep.  An example of these spasms?  OK.  At night mostly, when I do finally sit down on the couch at around 8:00 with the family for snuggle time, I am mostly uncomfortable the whole time because my legs will not sit still. They are jumping and cramping. It is a bit like Restless Leg Syndrome, I imagine.  I have to posture myself in ways in order to keep them as settled as possible.  I often have to contort them and put pressure on them in specific areas so that they will not kick or jump.  This is often difficult to do when there is a 3 year old climbing on your head, but that is a different issue. It is not comfortable.  Sometimes these spasms can actually cause a slightly strained muscle.  If there is an actual muscle strain due to injury present...the spasms are all the much worse.  All of the muscles around the injury go into hyper mode.  I believe this is a normal proctecive mechanism that our bodies perform, however mine are in hyperdrive, or uncontrolled.

This all going on prior to cancer.  Enter chemotherapy, mastectomy and radiation and the 3rd ring of the circus is added.  Additional numbness in toes and fingers and a severely tight right upper quadrant are a bit like managing the constant threat of the tiger. One can never let the gaurd down on that or the tightness of the "beef jerky" muscles take on a life of their own.

The point of all this being that, in my defense, I'm so very accustomed to managing this kind of thing on a daily basis that it at makes it difficult for me to know when the full on cascade of pain spasm pain spasm.... will begin.  This is one of those times.  So here I am...blogging instead of running the 15 miles on my schedule....sitting on my couch for the first time on a Saturday morning that I can remember since?  at least sometime during radiation.

The good thing about this recovery week is that, while it does cause me some anxiety about the possible difficuly it could cause me during my "A" race, I still feel pretty happy.  It is currently 55 degrees out and raining.  A perfect day to NOT be out running.  And I'm getting to spend some quality time with the family....

And I'm having a few extra moments to think about what happens next.
 
I've decided NOT to remove the PORT until after the race.  
Funny things happen when one of your training partners happens to be a psychologist!

Was it meant to be that when I sat on the toilet this morning I looked down and saw the Lululemon Bag that that is covered in quotes (that my friend had given me a gift in) and I noticed the quote...

"Life is full of Setbacks.  Success is determined on how you handle setbacks. "

Hmm. 

I will rest today and watch the rain.  I will feel good tomorrow  :)
14 days until 50 miler.

Snowball's Chance in Hell

A Snowball's chance in Hell is what I was endearingly calling my chances of achieving my somewhat unrealistic...or possibly more accurately, UNTIMELY goal of 1:44:00 at the 3M half.  Untimely not only in that 7:54 pace is very fast for me, but untimely in that this "last chance" opportunity landed right smack dab in the middle of my distance training.  I wanted to have my Cake and Eat it too.  I wanted to continue my training for the 50 mile trail race and go ahead and try to race 13.1 miles on the road 7 days after running 35 miles.  Oh yes, this race also falling the week after my highest total mileage week of my life.  In my heart of hearts I knew my odds were similar to the snowball above, however, I still had hope....I felt that if the snowball was packed tight enough it might just have a chance.  Funny, huh? I remember once a year ago someone at work on the business end of things made the statement...Hope is not a strategy.  I remember at the time standing there with my bald head thinking that that was kind of rude to say that in my presence.  Anyway, it is clear to me now that since surviving Cancer and Cancer Treatment, that I believe it is.

Needless to say, I was not rested for the race, and indeed did not feel rested during the race. 
This is pretty much how I felt for the most part of the race:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNwwzmpbgDQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player.

My friend Lisa who was attempting to keep me on pace was sort of like the rope.
I ended up with a time of exactly 1:47:00.  Exactly 3 minutes slower than the time I needed to qualify for the New York Marathon.  Despite being significantly off of the qualifying time I was still happy I did the race.  This time was still my fastest half marathon, and I do think it was a good work out. I'm mean hey, I ran 13 miles without stopping, walking, or eating a sandwich!

With the half marathon over, it was then time to move on and return focus on bringing the miles back up for the next week and completing my 40 mile run which would be my longest training run for this training.  On my last blog I began to elude to some of the issues that being an ultrarunner can cause in a persons life and family.  I attached a utube video called "I'm an Ultrarunner".  Turns out very few people looked at the video which i thought was hilarioius.  At that time I did not mention that when I showed the video to my husband, he actually thought I wrote the thing.  I did not write that one, but it got me thinking. On the video "I'm an ultrarunner", the problem that the main character is having, is finding time to have breakfast with a girlfriend.   My friend and training buddy Lisa and began laughing at some of the even more ridiculous intimate problems that doing all this running and at the same time having a family can cause....and out of that I ended up making this video.  Please do not feel sorry for anyone.  This is funny.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LWpTgBghGGo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>


http://m.youtube.com/?client=mv-google&rdm=20#/profile?user=powerhowell&v=LWpTgBghGGo&view=videos

Apologies for the lack of true links or embedding.  As you can see, i'm having to find all sorts of ways to trim time at this point.

This past week was back up to the big mileage.  I completed my 40 mile run.  My 2 training partners were there the whole time as they have been.  We lucked out greatly with the weather. It was supposed to be storming during the first half of the run, but instead the big storm ended just before we started at 4:30 a.m. and the temperatures were in the 50s-60s.   I had no major issues, other that feeling pretty tired starting aroung mile 17.5,  and getting somewhat emotional....near tears twice.  The first time when I started thinking about my friend Cindy who was taking my kids off my hands so I could rest after the run, and the second time when we jogged past a man hiking on the greenbelt with his special needs child.   I made it home before 2:00 and thank goodness I had planned for the kids to be off having fun with some friends.  Thanks Again CINDY R.!!  How will I ever re-pay you for all you've done for me and my family over the past 2 years!! 

This plan allowed me to actually take a nap and rejuvenate in order to have fun with my family later that evening.....AND to prepare for our annual Super Bowl Party the next day!  Am i Crazy? Well, i think that's been pretty clearly described.

Superbowl Party was great.  I'm not sure if UT won or not but we had some really Great Food and some really great company!

Football and Football helmet Cake Balls!! Yes, I said it...., Vanilla Beat Chocolate!

Me and my 2 Cindys

Adriane: Cakeballer Extraordinaire, and Jenn: Beetballer!

Now i cannot get this text off of  Caption, so i'm gonna wrap this up.  I've not made a decision regarding my port.  I will decide by the end of today.  The doc said i would really only have to not run for two days.  I forgot to ask him how long it would take for the incision to heal so now that's my hold up.  25 days until Nueces 50 miler.