Phase II (T-H): Round 1 Bone Pain

Phase II (Taxol Herceptin): Round One

Round one of weekly for 12 weeks. Done. Really hard to believe I'm going to be doing this for 11 more weeks.  I just keep trying to liken it to the 50 mile trail run that I had originally planned in March this coming spring. As I said to my trail running coach, Joe Prusaitis : "Joe, I says, I had originally planned Bandera 50 K in January and Nueces 50 Miler in March, but now I'm going to do Chemo and surgery.". So, I would have been doing something difficult for the next 11 weeks anyway. (Would have been a lot more fun though.)

As I think about writing updates, I keep trying to find ways to stay positive and not come across a downer like my co-worker who is older than I, who just recently finished a very similar 1 year 3 month plan to mine.  Every time I talk to her she cries about what i am going to have to go through and i end up consoling her.  The other day, whin i finally began to experience the severe bone pain that she had mentioned on our firsxt talk, i thought of her and it made ME finally cry.  The more i think about her now, the more i want to keep from crying.  I realize theat when i speak to her that i just want her to say something positive about how she is doing now that it is mostly over. (She still has 5 years oral drugs).
With that said, parts of this round have been less than pleasant, but there were some good parts.  The actual day took much longer than expected.  Previously they had painted a  much more pleasant picture of the chemo day with quotes like "yes,you should be a able to drive yourself, and...you might only have to miss 1/2 a day of work".   i had pictured myself In/Out and on to Christmas shopping by the afternoon.   The first delay included a conversation with the Nurse Prationer who was leaving it up to me whether we should do the chemo today or wait until next week due to my Blood Counts being lower than the recommended level.  She initially gave me the option of going ahead with it, and then taking the 3 days of neupogen shots (blood booster), or not, or just waiting.  As we headed off for the chemo, she mentioned that the clinic was closed after tomorrow, so i'd only be able to get one shot, so we'd just go without the shots. Well, here's where my bit of skepticism did pay off a bit.  Due to the fact that i was not totally sure that they were telling me the truth, especially about the driving, i had arranged for my friend Lisa to drive me.
Thank Goodness! After about 2 hours of being Gorked out due to the large dose of Benadryl that they gave me, i woke up and Lisa's sweet Mom, Virginia was sitting there and fluffing my pillows, getting me Sprite, and basically holding me up as i shuffled to the restroom.  she was there to replace Lisa who had to go because the day ended up  being severeal hours longer than expected.  (Don't be upset.  Lisa had to leave in order to help move furniture into a home for a family who had lost the father and all of the furniture).  Virginia also mentioned to me that i could get thosse shots at the hospital, and maybe we shouldn't make a medical decision based on whether the clinic was open or not.  I spoke to the nurse in that regard and then we had the shots set up at another hospital.  Virginia also drove me home and we met Lisa back at my house.  Lisa ended up spending the rest of the evening with me to help me out with the kids on this, Richie's band practice night, which was a mental/emotional lifesaver as much as anything.
I've had some ups and downs throughout the week.  Luckily the ups did land on Christmas Eve and Christmas day which turned out really nice.  We had Christmas at our house for the first time and i really enjoyed it, and i think the kids and other adults did too.



 I was healthy enouth and lucky enough to be able to run a 5 mile trail run on the Greenbelt with Richie on a very near Freezing day, which i love.

 The downs included some bone pain and pain in my mouth that feels like i've been drinking battery acid.  Those are both subsiding somewhat now.

Round 2 was moved to tomorrow due to an error on my part in my work schedule.  I figure it also gives me an extra day to grow some neutrophils. Everyone cross their fingers, pray, wish, ask Santa, do whatever you do best, to get my neutrophils up so that i do not have to take anymore of those shots.
As far as exercise, i've lowered my self-expectations once again.  I was previously expecting 4 day per week exercise, outside of 1-2 days on chemo week.   Now expecting closer to 3 now that I'm doing weekly treatment, but we'll see how things go.  Maybe they'll get easier.  I'd love to maintain 4 days per week with a goal of still being able to run 5-6 miles at the end of this round.
Hope You All have a Happy New Year!
Love, Emily
12/28/10
Dad's Birthday
P.S.  My hair started growing back today!

Phase I (A-C) Round 4 Cautious Optimism vs.Skepticism

Phase I (Adriamycin Cytoxan):Round 4

The doctor said I would not be the same person after cancer treatment.  I hope to not only be two years older, but 2 years better.  Possibly thinner (doubtful at this point) and maybe even a faster runner? Wishful thinking I guess.   Anyway, this has actually been quite a productive round for me.  Due to the fact that I did NOT have a headache this round! Hallelujah! I was somewhat more functional during week one due to lack of Headache that, despite severe weakness leading to abdominal sprain (which I of course thought was cancer) by week 2 I was significantly ahead of previous curves of recovery.  I believe that the Doctor’s statement that the tumor is in the “responding very well to treatment” category lifted my spirits, increased my hope, and decreased my anxiety.  Along with the awesome nursing care I received from Richie this round, I was back to jogging 3 miles on start of week 2 and 6 miles by end of week 2! Richie was a master at keeping me hydrated. I think that helped the headaches too.

 

Along with being ahead of the exercise curve, I’ve been working my way up the technology curve, as well.  I’ve purchased a new laptop, learned how to use iTunes, how to download photos and videos from my phone to the computer, move music from the computer to my iphone, and a whole host of other things.  I even set my computer up on wireless at my home, almost all by myself.  (With just a little emotional support at the end from my friend Mike R., who took 2 hours out of his Saturday to educate me on how to use my new computer!  Thank you Mike and Cindy!!).
On a personal note, I’ve continued to maintain a good relationship with my husband (?) enjoyed my 2 kids, and honestly enjoyed the holiday season for the first time in a while.  I’ve even re-connected with my Uncle Terry who is my closest living relative on my Dad’s side.  I always enjoy talking with Uncle Terry, because I have a lot in common with him, and Ace does too.
Its funny how during the first week after the A-C treatment, when I’m lying there awake yet really unable to move, how my mind races.  I think that the Adriomycin drug is somewhat of a psychedelic.  I sometimes see faces….they are in black and white and like 3 dimensional negatives, but look exactly like the people that I see.  It’s kind of cool.  I also lie there and think really crazy (or insightful) thoughts that seem less interesting by week 3.

The one thought that I kept perseverating on this time was the idea of Cautious Optimism versus Skepticism.   I’ve never really thought of myself as an optimist, but I’m not exactly a Pessimist or full on skeptic either.  I’d like to be optimistic, but that, in my opinion requires blind faith.   So, anyway, I wasn’t really sure if Cautious Optimism was something I made up or if it is an actual thing….So I, of course, googled it.  There is very little out there on Cautious Optimism….some stuff about cautious optimism regarding the spawning of salmon, and recent increased use as a media phrase.  The media skeptics see it as a cop out.  I liked the California Psychics opinion that it is OK to be both cautious and optimistic at the same time.  Anyway, this is how I was feeling about my cancer treatment.  Optimistic, yet cautious and still desiring objective proof.  I feel that it is an improvement over plain fear and depression.  Even though the doctor made the statement that the tumor has shrunk, and this did raise my spirit and my hopes, and even though I can even feel it for myself (I think), I still also  want to see the follow up MRI, and continue to seek more objective proof.  I have learned through my own actions and reflections, though, that I am more of an optimist than I thought.   Once, on day 3 or 4 when I was still very out of it, my friend Chuck texted me…”How are you doing E” and I simply replied….”Lying in bed with clothes on”. I had gotten up, showered and dressed, getting ready for the day, and then proceeded to just lie there the rest of the day.  I realized that that was an optimist’s move.
After my last not  so impressive visit with the oncologist, I had told his nurse that I needed some more objective proof of my odds.  This time around she handed me a printout of my odds.  In summary it was that I have a 76 to 80% chance of being alive in 10 years.  I thought that sounded pretty good.  When I told Richie, he said…”That’s not good enough”.  I thought that was a bit pessimistic, but at the same time made me feel good.


Regarding my schedule:
Tomorrow I start what I’m calling Phase II:  this is the start of weekly, for 12 weeks, chemo/infusion of 2 new drugs Taxol and Herceptin.  They say it will not knock me down the way the first 2 drugs did, but will be somewhat cumulative.  Some side effects could be worse at the end of the 12 weeks.  Then a short break, and then the surgery.  The doctor said the possibility of radiation will be determined on whether they still find active cancer during the surgery, etc.

I hope everyone has an awesome holiday season! I'm looking forward to our first christmas at our house!

Love,
Emily
12/20/2010